Hey Lois...Diarrhea!

I love the snow! I'm sorry but I love it. I love this temperature too, I'm sure I'll be complaining along with everyone else when it hits -20/-30/-40 (ahh the windchill how I've missed you), but this -10 stuff is just super. Makes one feel alive!

The snow has perked up an otherwise disastrous week: exploding salad in backpack, accidentally tipping delicious veggie burger into school toilet, losing much money in a faulty vending machine, spilling of much orange juice, total lack of sleep, falling down in belly dancing (am okay though, just a small fumble and I was back up again keeping time) and just generally being a total dorkus. I've started laughing about it now. Laughing to yourself is always a good way to make friends, yesterday had a nice discussion on bus with slightly deranged but nice man about how imaginary friends always tell the best jokes.

But the week seems to be looking up. If I can get the rough copy of a proposal done tomorrow then I'll be feeling grand. Maybe the knot in my stomach will actually start to losen and I'll be able to pinch off a good steamy brown one.

You have no idea how hard I'm laughing right now. Sorry folks, I need the poo talk right now.
Okay I believe I have composed myself now - oops no, still laughing. Imaginary friends really do tell the best jokes.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I need some sleep. Was going to do some more work, but I'm scared as to what kind of baroque verbiage will stream forth - hey if Rabelais can do it, why can't I? hmm maybe because am not witty, highly educated frenchman constantly surrounded by cronies who laugh at everything I say.

Am glad that this what I hope to be temporary loss of my mental faculties has been documented on my blog. I'll try not to do it again, though I must say it's been fun. I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow morning and wonder what the hell I found so funny about it all, but for now I'm still content in my blissful insanity.

Regularity to all and to all a good night.

ah my lovely friends, thank you all for the big booster shot of love you all sent out with regards to the last blog. it is much appreciated. i got marie praying for god's sake! never knew I had such missionary powers.

From the comments it looks like I'm supposed to go north with Kanga or south with Duke. Must say I've got a preference for goin' south heh heh, but I'm game for both.

I've just happily napped with my kitty so I'm feeling quite nice today. As I suspected a good dose of delly bancing and I was good as new. To quote the master of all things homey, "it's a good thing"

The university stuff is going well. Got a 94 last week on my oral presentation which is quite encouraging. Have been kinda feeling like I'm not edumacated enough to hang with these uni cats, but I've been realising that just because some of them have read big book doesn't mean they've understood them. Not that I would understand them either, but at least I'm not pretending I do or telling other people they should feel ashamed because they didn't do so well in high school (grr, some people are just dumb, but don't worry pals, I kicked said person's ass and she'll not be mentioning it again any time soon)

On to nicer people, I've been amazed recently at the generosity of the human spirit. I was nice to some people at uni (as is typical of me) and helped them out and they have been super great to me in return. There is so much cynicism out there, and I just always find it lovely to discover that circles of generosity still happen. That there are those who spend some of their day thinking of others (even very insignificant others) and putting a little effort into helping others out. Some might not think it's amazing, but I do. It makes me appreciate the light still shining in the human race.

I thought I'd add all this lovely stuff because I'm going to now provide a horrible link. I'm providing it because the mother of a girl named Princess wanted people to be informed of what's going on in Africa right now and I feel I should do my part. It's an article from the globe and mail about infant rape. It's really horrific, so don't read it if you don't think you want to deal with this. There is a light at the end of every tunnel but sometimes people standing in the light don't even see the tunnels and forget to hold a lantern fot those who are lost so I feel it's important to know about these things.
It's http://www.globeandmail.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/TPStory/LAC/20031018/COVER18//

Okay, off to do some reading before the sexy Kanga comes over and we head out for drinkiepoos. Ooh, Roxanne just came on. God I love this song.

Hi all
Tired is a girl named Roo. Yesterday I ventured back into the doctor's office to re-start the old heart examinations. I'm very wary of modern medecine, having been raised my whole life on homeopathic stuff. However, they don't allow homeopaths to crack your ribcage open and tinker with your ticker so ...

This guy seems pretty good. The fact that he's kinda cute might have something to do with the overall good impression I got of him. But he also appeared to be listening to me, something most doctors haven't really done. We'll see how long that lasts. They all tend to get a little frustrated when they realise I've got something majorly wrong with my heart, but they don't know what it is. Anyhoo, I went for my millionth ecg and bloodtests and next week comes the echocardiogram. They want to start all the tests all over again. Yeesh - well I guess I understand as the most recent ones have the results in Czech. Still, I hate booking time out of my day for this stuff.

The heart has been doing okay, but I'm still not normal (insert joke about my small stature and mental instability here). I just want the fear to go away, so I think they're going to do the surgery sometime after all the results get in. It's actually not surgery, they call it a procedure cuz they don't have to cut me open, just send lazers down my throat.

I'm not trying to diss modern medecine, but honestly every time I've gone to them it's only made things worse. The homeopaths have always identified the problem and fixed it. I can't say the same for the doctors. Though I know that they can be amazing for some people, they just haven't been there for me.

Listen to me, it's like I'm talking about my parents or something. I'm going to take a nap and go to bellydancing and wake up tomorrow feeling renewed and refreshed. I have much to feel thankful for. Pickle and I have oddly had 2 very nice nights recently even though we both feel like crap these days. We had a very cozy snuggle while watching "Wonderland" (good British movie) and then last night we watched the Northern Lights from our balcony. Neither of us had ever seen the dragons in the sky before. I had sladky sny after that.

Sladky sny to you all.

Okay, though I'm having trouble taking a quiz called "belief -o-matic" seriously, I gave it a shot. It's a quiz I got from Miranda's blog that tells you which faith best suits your needs. I'm not really sure that religion in general is for me as I don't really like how most of them have hierarchies about who is closer to the god-like being but hey, I'll try anything once. I was raised in a totally multi-faithed home as my mom changes religion about every 6 months. We were even into Wicca for awhile. And Hindu meditation. Jehovah's Witnesses. We've been Jews (yup), Catholics, Scientologists, Christian Sciencists, New Ageists - basically she's tried everything except buddhism, zen, and islam. Now she's into Reiki (not a religion) and the practice of religious quantum physics. She's gonna get to the bottom of the how the universe works, I truly believe if anyone can do it, it's my mom. It was a pretty cool childhood I gotta say.
The Unitarian Universalism is pretty cool. Must say I dug the website, perhaps will look into the UU a little more.

I can't believe I'm a frikkin' quaker!

1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2. Liberal Quakers (99%)
3. Neo-Pagan (91%)
4. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (91%)
5. New Age (85%)
6. New Thought (78%)
7. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (78%)
8. Mahayana Buddhism (75%)
9. Secular Humanism (70%)
10. Theravada Buddhism (70%)
11. Scientology (66%)
12. Bahá'í Faith (64%)
13. Taoism (63%)
14. Orthodox Quaker (56%)
15. Hinduism (54%)
16. Reform Judaism (54%)
17. Jehovah's Witness (53%)
18. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (51%)
19. Jainism (41%)
20. Nontheist (40%)
21. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (37%)
22. Sikhism (36%)
23. Orthodox Judaism (32%)
24. Seventh Day Adventist (31%)
25. Eastern Orthodox (19%)
26. Roman Catholic (19%)
27. Islam (16%)
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

I realise no one wants to read this blog anymore after the "incident" but you must all go check out your political geography.
These people designed this test to see both whether you are left or right and libertarian or authoritarian. It's really cool and some of the questions were worthy of pondering. The ones that stopped me cold were not the ones I expected to have problems answering.

I ended up with Economic Left/Right: -6.38
Libertarian/Authoritarian:-5.85

Which puts me almost equal with Nelson Mandela - cool (libertarian leftist). They even give you reading selections at the end of stuff you might find interesting (funny how I already owned quite a few of them)
Anyhoo it's a lot of fun and here's the link: http://www.politicalcompass.org/

Since everyone is doing an "I'm so thankful" blog, I guess I'll do it too. God, I'm so easily led by others. Peer Pressure!

I am thankful for
-my life and all the people and experiences that have made me be a reasonably open-minded person.

-the fact that I moved to a new city this summer and managed to easily and quickly find such amazing friends (even though I am losing one of them in 2 weeks *sigh*)

- that in my department I have already been accepted as "one of the boys" by a group of males. I need to have my male crew (this new one calls themselves the Platinum Circle)

- that I have Pickle, who let me fall in love for the first time, who always tries to listen to me, who is my best friend and who makes me think even when I don't want to.

- Kim. I love her 'nuff said. I tend to get too mushy when I talk about Kim so I'll spare everyone.

- the girls (Highness and K.Lo) who gave me my first experiences in a female crew

- my Scottish cherubs, whom I also get too mushy about. My eyes are tearing up as I write.

- the opportunities I have been given!

- my 2 years in Prague. They have changed me into a person who looks in the mirror and always likes what she sees (physically and emotionally).

- my parents, who don't know me well enough to read this blog but who have given me all the love and support a girl could ask for. They really are amazing, just know that they're happier not knowing about the perversions!

And mostly today, I am glad I don't have Chelsea's blog site. Someone has played a sick joke and when I tried to get on to her site today it opened a German Child Pornography site. So yeah - don't be clicking on Highness' Blog until I give the go-ahead.

Be joyous and thankful!

Well everyone it's been an interesting week here on small perversions.
My general issue being: when people take actions or decisions that affect/concern the lives of others without really putting any thought into it. I think this issue was more than adequately addressed here on this blog. I know I personally gained a lot of insight on this issue and have a more developed stand, I also think an absolutely beautiful poem (and this is a certified editor speaking) came out of it.
I'd like to thank the people I care about for speaking their minds with their myriad of differing opinions. Your differences are why you are all my friends. And in the spirit of keeping open debate going , and of getting the fucking ad for the circumcision web page off the top of my blog (yeesh, how appreciative am I of customized, automatic blog advertising? Need to get my own site) I am setting up a new little topic that I got from the glorious globe and mail today.
http://www.globeandmail.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/TPStory/LAC/20031011/PARENTS//

The article says that in Philadelphia the schools are now handing out Parent Report Cards with the student ones. This means that on the student report card is a rating of their parents. Yep. It is a report card dealing with whether the child has been satisfactorily cared with such categories for health, being well fed, attendance, cleanliness, completed homework etc.

Okay, my thoughts. While many parents out there need to be given a spanking (and not in that good way), I don't know that their kids should see how their teachers rate their parents. However, I'm not sure what would be a good solution for schools getting more involved with the parents, as I know as a teacher you see things going on in the students homes that you wish you could do something about. But at what point does the home life become the business of a public institution? Something else really irked me, I am not sure how it works in the States, but I don't recall ever filling out an evaluation form for any teachers of my high school or elementary classes so why does the school get to judge the parents but the students don't get to judge the school? If the schools really feel it necessary to get attendance up (and I have many problems with the overly strict attendance laws they talk about in the article, but then again they are talking about inner city kids so the problems might be different from the ones I know of) then they should spend some more time fixing the "quality of teachers" problem before they start going after the private lives of others.

I'm not sure how to start anything, but when I'm through living la vida loca I'd like to do something about getting teacher evaluations into the schools. I think that yes, some kids would just be mean so you'd have to be careful with them, but at the same time there are many problems that come from not having them.
1. That good teachers never get any real reward or praise that tells them "yes you are doing a better than average job"
2. The bad stuff never changes. Not that evaluation forms would really create massive changes (I sadly know this much about the public school system) but at least they'd point out some of the major problems. And they might actually help average teachers to figure out how to become great ones.

When I was in high school I went to a higher up and complained about an absolutely heinous teacher (Mrs. T-bone for those of you who'll recall). The VP made me and this other girl sit in a room with her (didn't call our parents about to stand with us and just directly took us to her after we made the complaint to him) and tell her directly why we didn't like her. Of course, she just got defensive and nothing changed and she then totally hated me after this so I ended up protesting by not going to class for the last term. I think the way the VP handled this was totally inappropriate.

Luckily I had a fabulous French teacher the next year and she tried to get the previous teacher to give her the work I had missed so I could finish it and not have an Incomplete for French 11. The other teacher just wouldn't give it to her. Now I had a 98% in the French 12 class and luckily for me the fab teacher was the head of French (which I hadn't known in grade 11) so she just told me the other teacher was a cow and changed my grade for French 11. But still, the whole experience was nuts - it should never have happened that way but kids in high schools don't really have many recourses (or at least they aren't told about them) for complaining about bad teachers.

If anyone has any ideas/opinions about the evaluation forms or if you want to comment on the parent report cards, please feel free.
And please check out this not-well-proofread but interesting page from a New York teacher
http://www.spinninglobe.net/againstschool.htm

well well well, it looks like people do care about this topic after all.

Sorry just that Pickle, Duke, and Asylus just kept asking "why do you care about this? you're the only one who cares about this" and I really can't stand it when people imply that my passions aren't worth being passionate about.
People do and should care about this issue. The decision to alter genetalia is a pretty fucking huge one and I honestly can't understand how people could not view it as such. To me that just indicates how society has totally blinded people to the issue at hand, and blindness is bad. No matter what your opinion is, you should definetly have one about removing parts of your bits!

Now, please feel free to comment all you'd like on these blogs. I'm going to be crazily busy this week so this will be up for a while.

Thank you all for speaking your minds - I really appreciated the dialogue that was had here.

okay just wanted to get some actual facts for all my readers.
The USA is still chopping foreskin at the rate of 62.7%. It's over 80% in the midwest region but about 30% in Western region and the other two regions are around 64%.
Statistics Canada has refused to give out official listings of their circumcisions but surveys done by province indicate a current circumcision rate of only 20% for most Western provinces and Quebec and the Islands at almost nil (been living on the wrong side of the country). And the rate is declining annually. Neo-natal circumcisions are discouraged if unnecessary by Health Canada. The rate has gone down since the 1970's when it was hovering at about 60%.
Our neo-natal circumcision rates are about on par with Britain now, so it's really just the US that remains. So apparently people are putting more thought into this and that thought makes me smile. Something I considered important is being taken care of, and in part by health canada - who would've thunk it?
an okay website for this (and other websites agreed in stats) is http://www.cirp.org/library/statistics/

Well as per usual, I have Kanga and Duke to thank for any wisdom I receive.
I have long wondered (in Seinfeldian fashion) What's the deal with circumcision?

Now, many men have taken offense to my stance against circumcisions. I'm sorry to have given offense, I stand by my personal choice, but don't mean to imply that circumcised men are in any way inferior. I've just never really understood why this became such a fad in the North and South America and I've never really had any discussions which have enlightened me. But tonight, at the fabulous Dadeos, enlightenment (at least about circumcision) was achieved.

My problems with circumcision stem from when I found out that my mom told my dad that he would have to get circumcised before they got married (ie before they had sex). He did it. At 22 he got circumcised. Now while I have never discussed this with my father (yeesh, what a bad idea that would be) I somehow think I felt his pain - well, okay I probably haven't been that upset by it but still. So I asked my mom why she made this odd request of the man she loved and she told me that unhooded penises are cleaner and basically it was a fear of the dreaded smegma. I also asked around and this is something many Latin American women in Canada asked of their lovers in that time - the hood just wasn't cool. I did my small survey of about 30 women all living in Western Canada and not all of them had needed to make the request but not a single one of them thought it was an odd request.

I found (and continue to find) this highly disturbing. I also found that many of my friends (my age) had the same opinion (excluding Kanga, who also had her misconceptions about the hooded but not these) that unhooded was cleaner and I encountered a high degree of smegma fear. However, it is now becoming a much more accepted thing and I'm hoping that anti-hooditic sentiment is over. But I was still curious as to why is was done in North America. I mean, Europeans don't chop 'em and they seem to be doing okay. I've also been asked now why I'm so concerned with this. Well, part of this comes from above story about my dad but part of me asks the question "If some part of the vagina was being hacked off and for no real reason, wouldn't I be concerned about it? Even if the part being removed wasn't a key part in sexual pleasure (as is the case with male circumcision), my answer to this question is still yes. I'd want to know why it was being done. Maybe that's just me.

Duke in his wisdom pointed out that many of the people coming over to NA were Puritans. 'Nough said. Though I do find it funny that with so much anti-semitism in the world that we've all adopted this custom. Hey, maybe it was a big jewish plot so that the next Hitler wouldn't be able to tell the Jews from the Arians :) Or maybe it was a big plot from the females to get slightly even for hundreds of years of male oppression :)

But seriously folks, the whole Puritan thing makes sense. And it also helped to answer my second question - we're obviously not all Puritans anymore (certainly not if you're reading this blog) so why is it still happening? And here's where Kanga (aka blackdaisies) came in. She told me that if the father of the child is circumcised then you might want to have the child circumcised so they look the same - so the kid doesn't end up being scared about why he's different from daddy. Being childless, this obvious logic just hadn't occured to me.

I also think that some women of my mother's era also weren't too savvy about that whole area of men (well at least Latin American women, who still on the whole wait until marriage) and so when medical science came out saying "Off with their heads! Otherwise you'll be dealing with orange cheesy stuff everywhere!" some women didn't really know enough about penises to say er, hey wait a minute...

So, while I still hold my personal preferences (everyone's allowed - some men like big breasts some like small etc), I have a better understanding of why things are the way they are in the world of penises. And for those of you who don't know, the hooded ones are not like spaghetti (all covered in cheese) and they are mildly more sensitive but not so much so that you have to be scared.

Funnily enough, I must now get back to my research on Psychoanalytic Cliterary Theory. Sorry freudian slit...slip Literary Theory. So now you can all see why my thought patterns have been odd these weekend - reading too much Freud can do that to a penis..person.

Hiya
I was going to blog some quotes today, but I forgot the books in my office (god how I love saying "my office")
Life is terribly fascinating as always, but not really fascinating enough to write about. I'll come up with something to say soon but until then I've decided to reprint my anal sex blog. Many of you have read it, I know but many others have joined my legions since I posted this and one such person had heard rumours about it but didn't know where to find it.
I think tomorrow's topic might be a rant against circumcision, so be prepared for some raunchy days. I've been quite criticised for the poo talk of late, and so I've decided it must be retired for now. Yes, I too am rather fond of that part of my personality but apparently there are those amoung you that see it as a flaw. So, because I love my friends, I will try to abstain from that type of burlesque talk - other kinds of burlesque talk though I just can't stop so don't even ask me to try.

ANAL SEX

Ok, anal sex is a wonderful thing. A lot of straight girls and boys are really dumb about this. So, not that I want this to turn into a Dan Savage column (as if I could possibly even compare to the great man) but I'm going to try and lessen the fear for all of you out there who cringe every time the ol' brown eye gets brought up. These instructions will be graphic, but nobody ever really talks about it and I figure I'll martyr myself since I'm already known for this crap.And I'm fully aware that some of my friends are already pros at this. Good for you! And dammit Corrine, my favourite colour isn't brown!

Anal sex for girls: So your man maybe has brought it up, maybe he hasn't, or maybe he just finds the whole area disgusting (in which case I feel sorry for you). Maybe you've attempted it, but have had bad experiences and just don't want to try it again. You can't just plunge into this area people!

First: equipment (not that equipment, though in this case a small boy might be preferred). 1)You'll need something to lube up with. Now most people think of KY lubes here, and that's fine but well... you will rip and tear a little and I've noticed that the chemicals in the lubes can really sting that area (and not just during the sex part). So use a water based lube if you must, but really I recommend spit over lube, just use a lot of spit. And my new friend Duke has also mentioned that olive oil is a good one. I accidentally cut myself with a knife and I put some olive oil on it to see if it would sting and it didn't so I'm going to give the all clear for that one. 2) We're all a little embarrassed by poo. Even I, lover of poo talk, don't really want it leaking out of me during moments of sexual desire. So get yourself a rectal syringe. Yeah, you can get the chemical enemas (either professionally administered or at home), but I've found they're way too complicated and the rectal bulb gets the job done. Any pharmacy should have them and I'd go for the large one so you don't have to keep refilling the stupid bulb while you're on the can (and you fill it with water - bottled or tap, it's up to you) They are sold next to the ear syringes. They look like a small turkey baster and you just fill it up with water, shove the little tube up your bum, and squeeze the bulb. Then take it out and push for the results (some people do this in the bathrub, please please don't be one of these people. Poo is for the toilet.) You'll be clean as a whistle in no time. However, you must realize this takes the spontanaeity out of it, but if you just can't handle the chance of poo then the syringe is the way to go. If you are going to be spontaneous, just don't do it after big meals. 3) a vibrator. A must for all those attempting anal sex (and for any woman in any situation really). Most of the problem is that you're too tense and so you need to relax and have fun with it. Vibrators are the best solution to this. Anal sex feels good and hits your g-spot in a way that regular sex doesn't do, so when you add a vibrator to the mix - it's all good.4) Booze. Yes if you wanna relax I find nothing is better than downing 2-3 shots of a nice hard liquor beforehand (no more than that, or we'll get back to the poo discussion)

Now onto technique: First, there must be much fingering, one, then two and then proceeding to two thumbs. Do this while having regular sex, girl on top or spooning sex are recommended positions for this. Vibrators are good for getting used to the fingers too (when are vibrators not good?) Having the finger in there should definetely highten your pleasure during sex. If it doesn't then you are not relaxed enough. Once you get comfy with this (and it could take several trials) you can start dealing with cock. Boys just be gentle and patient and hoo boy don't expect to get all the way in on the first time. Be happy with just popping the head through. And girls, get on top! - it's so much easier and you can control how much goes in and is just much less traumatic for the first few times. Oh yeah, it's a good idea to do all the finger stuff directly before attempting anal sex just to loosen everything up.

Now onto my favourite topic: Pegging! Yes it's all tit for tat in my sexual domain and I believe it should be in yours too. Boys, you have a prostate, anal sex will feel good. Gay men aren't stupid, you are! Girls, the prostate is not too far up(damn my small fingers!) and located by pressing towards the guy's tummy, not towards his back. You should be able to feel it, and he'll totally be able to feel it so I'm confident you'll find it. The instructions are basically as above except well... once your done with finger exploration, what do you use as a cock? Now most self respecting girls should have a dildo, but maybe you don't. Or maybe it's not silicon so you can't sterilize it and after journeys through a guy's anus, you definetely wanna sterilize that puppy. Now the ideal situation is that you already have a silicon dildo and you just spend the 30 bucks on a strap for said dildo and then just go to town. If not, keep on using the fingers, or just the dildo with no strap, or try a vegetable of some sort. Or fisting :)
Just don't use bananas as they are to be enjoyed orally for the little time we have them.
And don't forget to play with yourselves while this is happening boys! It's all about you and your pleasure. Really, it is.

Oh, and one last sexual comment. Miss K. Lo asked a question about learning how to deep throat. My friend Kanga was actually the girl who taught me what to do. I started with just practicing everyday to see how far I could get my toothbrush down there. Then I moved to the bananas, then well, you know what comes after don't you? But if you've got a dildo, they're handy too. The recommended position is to have your head on a pillow,with it slightly arched back so your throat opens and relaxes. It takes a while to get used to this, and the gagging still occurs. Just put it in as far as it'll go then stop and let it rest there so you get used to the feeling. Then try to go further and repeat. The only problem I've found with deep throating is that I can't breathe. Once the cock gets in there that far it'll block your nasal passages too and since your mouth is full of cock... So the guy has to pull all the way out and then go back in, big thrusts just not hard thrusts, so you can breathe while he's out. The banana isn't big enough to block the nasal passages, so you'll still be able to breathe then. Breathing though, is very important when you're trying to relax and open up your throat so the whole thing can be hard work, but the boy seems to enjoy it.