Hiya
I was going to blog some quotes today, but I forgot the books in my office (god how I love saying "my office")
Life is terribly fascinating as always, but not really fascinating enough to write about. I'll come up with something to say soon but until then I've decided to reprint my anal sex blog. Many of you have read it, I know but many others have joined my legions since I posted this and one such person had heard rumours about it but didn't know where to find it.
I think tomorrow's topic might be a rant against circumcision, so be prepared for some raunchy days. I've been quite criticised for the poo talk of late, and so I've decided it must be retired for now. Yes, I too am rather fond of that part of my personality but apparently there are those amoung you that see it as a flaw. So, because I love my friends, I will try to abstain from that type of burlesque talk - other kinds of burlesque talk though I just can't stop so don't even ask me to try.
ANAL SEX
Ok, anal sex is a wonderful thing. A lot of straight girls and boys are really dumb about this. So, not that I want this to turn into a Dan Savage column (as if I could possibly even compare to the great man) but I'm going to try and lessen the fear for all of you out there who cringe every time the ol' brown eye gets brought up. These instructions will be graphic, but nobody ever really talks about it and I figure I'll martyr myself since I'm already known for this crap.And I'm fully aware that some of my friends are already pros at this. Good for you! And dammit Corrine, my favourite colour isn't brown!
Anal sex for girls: So your man maybe has brought it up, maybe he hasn't, or maybe he just finds the whole area disgusting (in which case I feel sorry for you). Maybe you've attempted it, but have had bad experiences and just don't want to try it again. You can't just plunge into this area people!
First: equipment (not that equipment, though in this case a small boy might be preferred). 1)You'll need something to lube up with. Now most people think of KY lubes here, and that's fine but well... you will rip and tear a little and I've noticed that the chemicals in the lubes can really sting that area (and not just during the sex part). So use a water based lube if you must, but really I recommend spit over lube, just use a lot of spit. And my new friend Duke has also mentioned that olive oil is a good one. I accidentally cut myself with a knife and I put some olive oil on it to see if it would sting and it didn't so I'm going to give the all clear for that one. 2) We're all a little embarrassed by poo. Even I, lover of poo talk, don't really want it leaking out of me during moments of sexual desire. So get yourself a rectal syringe. Yeah, you can get the chemical enemas (either professionally administered or at home), but I've found they're way too complicated and the rectal bulb gets the job done. Any pharmacy should have them and I'd go for the large one so you don't have to keep refilling the stupid bulb while you're on the can (and you fill it with water - bottled or tap, it's up to you) They are sold next to the ear syringes. They look like a small turkey baster and you just fill it up with water, shove the little tube up your bum, and squeeze the bulb. Then take it out and push for the results (some people do this in the bathrub, please please don't be one of these people. Poo is for the toilet.) You'll be clean as a whistle in no time. However, you must realize this takes the spontanaeity out of it, but if you just can't handle the chance of poo then the syringe is the way to go. If you are going to be spontaneous, just don't do it after big meals. 3) a vibrator. A must for all those attempting anal sex (and for any woman in any situation really). Most of the problem is that you're too tense and so you need to relax and have fun with it. Vibrators are the best solution to this. Anal sex feels good and hits your g-spot in a way that regular sex doesn't do, so when you add a vibrator to the mix - it's all good.4) Booze. Yes if you wanna relax I find nothing is better than downing 2-3 shots of a nice hard liquor beforehand (no more than that, or we'll get back to the poo discussion)
Now onto technique: First, there must be much fingering, one, then two and then proceeding to two thumbs. Do this while having regular sex, girl on top or spooning sex are recommended positions for this. Vibrators are good for getting used to the fingers too (when are vibrators not good?) Having the finger in there should definetely highten your pleasure during sex. If it doesn't then you are not relaxed enough. Once you get comfy with this (and it could take several trials) you can start dealing with cock. Boys just be gentle and patient and hoo boy don't expect to get all the way in on the first time. Be happy with just popping the head through. And girls, get on top! - it's so much easier and you can control how much goes in and is just much less traumatic for the first few times. Oh yeah, it's a good idea to do all the finger stuff directly before attempting anal sex just to loosen everything up.
Now onto my favourite topic: Pegging! Yes it's all tit for tat in my sexual domain and I believe it should be in yours too. Boys, you have a prostate, anal sex will feel good. Gay men aren't stupid, you are! Girls, the prostate is not too far up(damn my small fingers!) and located by pressing towards the guy's tummy, not towards his back. You should be able to feel it, and he'll totally be able to feel it so I'm confident you'll find it. The instructions are basically as above except well... once your done with finger exploration, what do you use as a cock? Now most self respecting girls should have a dildo, but maybe you don't. Or maybe it's not silicon so you can't sterilize it and after journeys through a guy's anus, you definetely wanna sterilize that puppy. Now the ideal situation is that you already have a silicon dildo and you just spend the 30 bucks on a strap for said dildo and then just go to town. If not, keep on using the fingers, or just the dildo with no strap, or try a vegetable of some sort. Or fisting :)
Just don't use bananas as they are to be enjoyed orally for the little time we have them.
And don't forget to play with yourselves while this is happening boys! It's all about you and your pleasure. Really, it is.
Oh, and one last sexual comment. Miss K. Lo asked a question about learning how to deep throat. My friend Kanga was actually the girl who taught me what to do. I started with just practicing everyday to see how far I could get my toothbrush down there. Then I moved to the bananas, then well, you know what comes after don't you? But if you've got a dildo, they're handy too. The recommended position is to have your head on a pillow,with it slightly arched back so your throat opens and relaxes. It takes a while to get used to this, and the gagging still occurs. Just put it in as far as it'll go then stop and let it rest there so you get used to the feeling. Then try to go further and repeat. The only problem I've found with deep throating is that I can't breathe. Once the cock gets in there that far it'll block your nasal passages too and since your mouth is full of cock... So the guy has to pull all the way out and then go back in, big thrusts just not hard thrusts, so you can breathe while he's out. The banana isn't big enough to block the nasal passages, so you'll still be able to breathe then. Breathing though, is very important when you're trying to relax and open up your throat so the whole thing can be hard work, but the boy seems to enjoy it.
I was going to blog some quotes today, but I forgot the books in my office (god how I love saying "my office")
Life is terribly fascinating as always, but not really fascinating enough to write about. I'll come up with something to say soon but until then I've decided to reprint my anal sex blog. Many of you have read it, I know but many others have joined my legions since I posted this and one such person had heard rumours about it but didn't know where to find it.
I think tomorrow's topic might be a rant against circumcision, so be prepared for some raunchy days. I've been quite criticised for the poo talk of late, and so I've decided it must be retired for now. Yes, I too am rather fond of that part of my personality but apparently there are those amoung you that see it as a flaw. So, because I love my friends, I will try to abstain from that type of burlesque talk - other kinds of burlesque talk though I just can't stop so don't even ask me to try.
ANAL SEX
Ok, anal sex is a wonderful thing. A lot of straight girls and boys are really dumb about this. So, not that I want this to turn into a Dan Savage column (as if I could possibly even compare to the great man) but I'm going to try and lessen the fear for all of you out there who cringe every time the ol' brown eye gets brought up. These instructions will be graphic, but nobody ever really talks about it and I figure I'll martyr myself since I'm already known for this crap.And I'm fully aware that some of my friends are already pros at this. Good for you! And dammit Corrine, my favourite colour isn't brown!
Anal sex for girls: So your man maybe has brought it up, maybe he hasn't, or maybe he just finds the whole area disgusting (in which case I feel sorry for you). Maybe you've attempted it, but have had bad experiences and just don't want to try it again. You can't just plunge into this area people!
First: equipment (not that equipment, though in this case a small boy might be preferred). 1)You'll need something to lube up with. Now most people think of KY lubes here, and that's fine but well... you will rip and tear a little and I've noticed that the chemicals in the lubes can really sting that area (and not just during the sex part). So use a water based lube if you must, but really I recommend spit over lube, just use a lot of spit. And my new friend Duke has also mentioned that olive oil is a good one. I accidentally cut myself with a knife and I put some olive oil on it to see if it would sting and it didn't so I'm going to give the all clear for that one. 2) We're all a little embarrassed by poo. Even I, lover of poo talk, don't really want it leaking out of me during moments of sexual desire. So get yourself a rectal syringe. Yeah, you can get the chemical enemas (either professionally administered or at home), but I've found they're way too complicated and the rectal bulb gets the job done. Any pharmacy should have them and I'd go for the large one so you don't have to keep refilling the stupid bulb while you're on the can (and you fill it with water - bottled or tap, it's up to you) They are sold next to the ear syringes. They look like a small turkey baster and you just fill it up with water, shove the little tube up your bum, and squeeze the bulb. Then take it out and push for the results (some people do this in the bathrub, please please don't be one of these people. Poo is for the toilet.) You'll be clean as a whistle in no time. However, you must realize this takes the spontanaeity out of it, but if you just can't handle the chance of poo then the syringe is the way to go. If you are going to be spontaneous, just don't do it after big meals. 3) a vibrator. A must for all those attempting anal sex (and for any woman in any situation really). Most of the problem is that you're too tense and so you need to relax and have fun with it. Vibrators are the best solution to this. Anal sex feels good and hits your g-spot in a way that regular sex doesn't do, so when you add a vibrator to the mix - it's all good.4) Booze. Yes if you wanna relax I find nothing is better than downing 2-3 shots of a nice hard liquor beforehand (no more than that, or we'll get back to the poo discussion)
Now onto technique: First, there must be much fingering, one, then two and then proceeding to two thumbs. Do this while having regular sex, girl on top or spooning sex are recommended positions for this. Vibrators are good for getting used to the fingers too (when are vibrators not good?) Having the finger in there should definetely highten your pleasure during sex. If it doesn't then you are not relaxed enough. Once you get comfy with this (and it could take several trials) you can start dealing with cock. Boys just be gentle and patient and hoo boy don't expect to get all the way in on the first time. Be happy with just popping the head through. And girls, get on top! - it's so much easier and you can control how much goes in and is just much less traumatic for the first few times. Oh yeah, it's a good idea to do all the finger stuff directly before attempting anal sex just to loosen everything up.
Now onto my favourite topic: Pegging! Yes it's all tit for tat in my sexual domain and I believe it should be in yours too. Boys, you have a prostate, anal sex will feel good. Gay men aren't stupid, you are! Girls, the prostate is not too far up(damn my small fingers!) and located by pressing towards the guy's tummy, not towards his back. You should be able to feel it, and he'll totally be able to feel it so I'm confident you'll find it. The instructions are basically as above except well... once your done with finger exploration, what do you use as a cock? Now most self respecting girls should have a dildo, but maybe you don't. Or maybe it's not silicon so you can't sterilize it and after journeys through a guy's anus, you definetely wanna sterilize that puppy. Now the ideal situation is that you already have a silicon dildo and you just spend the 30 bucks on a strap for said dildo and then just go to town. If not, keep on using the fingers, or just the dildo with no strap, or try a vegetable of some sort. Or fisting :)
Just don't use bananas as they are to be enjoyed orally for the little time we have them.
And don't forget to play with yourselves while this is happening boys! It's all about you and your pleasure. Really, it is.
Oh, and one last sexual comment. Miss K. Lo asked a question about learning how to deep throat. My friend Kanga was actually the girl who taught me what to do. I started with just practicing everyday to see how far I could get my toothbrush down there. Then I moved to the bananas, then well, you know what comes after don't you? But if you've got a dildo, they're handy too. The recommended position is to have your head on a pillow,with it slightly arched back so your throat opens and relaxes. It takes a while to get used to this, and the gagging still occurs. Just put it in as far as it'll go then stop and let it rest there so you get used to the feeling. Then try to go further and repeat. The only problem I've found with deep throating is that I can't breathe. Once the cock gets in there that far it'll block your nasal passages too and since your mouth is full of cock... So the guy has to pull all the way out and then go back in, big thrusts just not hard thrusts, so you can breathe while he's out. The banana isn't big enough to block the nasal passages, so you'll still be able to breathe then. Breathing though, is very important when you're trying to relax and open up your throat so the whole thing can be hard work, but the boy seems to enjoy it.
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