Just so people know, here are my christmas plans:

I leave for Vancouver on Monday Dec 15 and then go to Ktown on Dec 17.
I leave from Vancouver on Jan 1. Whether I return to Vancouver before the 1st is still pending.

And I was checking out this blog the other day. Don't know the girl, don't know if she's telling the truth, but found it impossible to stop reading. http://belledejour-uk.blogspot.com

Well, I've just come from looking at myself on Kanga's blog for the umpteenth time. God I'm vain.

However, I'm also cheap and refuse to by the $18 video recording of that night, so these pics are all I have.

One paper down (the toilet) and 2 more to go. One is already basically done, it just needs some fine tuning. The other is going to be an excercise in speed writing. But thankfully, I know Dr. Margolin will make sure I end up with a B in his class because he doesn't want to lose another comp.lit student. Notice how I don't give a shit how I get my grades, just as long as I get them? But honestly folks you all know I've worked hard and I have over 90 in all my classes without the papers. I'm just not so good at the papers yet. But I will be.

Part of me was kind of upset that I hadn't started my papers at the beginning of term, like I'm going to do next term. But then, I realised that I didn't even know what the fuck the professors were talking about at the beginning of this term. I would have had no idea where to begin.

Last night was quite cute. I had some of my old students over for dinner. Pickle made such a fantastic salmon feast that their eyes nearly popped out when I brought in the dishes. It was a lovely night and it also gave me the excuse to spend the day cleaning (after spending 5 agonizing hours trying to bring my critical theory paper up over a 70 before handing it in at 2:00pm). The place was a sty - books everywhere, bathroom hadn't been cleaned for weeks, the dust bunnies were becoming feral. It's now possible to walk without fear of tripping over something.

I went Christmas shopping for myself last week. I know this sounds weird, but usually I go with my mom, try on clothes, tell her what I like and then leave the store while she's paying so she can quickly sneak in a cute pair of socks or something so I get at least a bit of a surprise at Christmas. But she's not going to be around, so my dad gave me a bit of cash and I bought the stuff myself. Some cute new t-shirts, some cute stuff from the 2nd hand place, and the skirt I'd been eyeing at the Avenue Clothing place was on sale, so even though it was a little pricey ($60) I bought it! It's so cool. The disturbing thing is...Highness are you ready for this?

I bought pink.

Yes folks, I know have a skirt with pinkish highlights in it and a light pink t-shirt that says "I spank hard." Sigh. What's happening to me? This is about as disturbing as Highness discovering she wants to have kids. Am I going soft? Can people who wear pink still talk about poo?

I'll leave you to ponder.

oh lord, i'm really not good under pressure. at least i know better for next term. if there is a next term. which there will be.

Yeah, that's about the state of my mind recently. I actually flaked out on a meeting I had yesterday. It totally slipped my mind and that's really not like me. I've been super organised this term and have juggled way too many balls and I suppose I should be happy this is the only one I dropped, but still.

But I'm learning things about myself. It's good stuff that will be useful, like I can't write under pressure. Which means I've already picked out all my essay topics for my courses next term so I can start them in January when things are light, rather than leaving the most weighty part of my grade up until the last night. It's just this critical theory paper that is flowing as well as a my toilet after several bean dinners. I've spent 2 weeks working on the damn thing and it still, well it sucks.

My directed reading prof and my queen Barb Churchill thinks I have so much trouble organising papers because all my ideas are of doctoral quality and I don't yet know how to express myself or do research in a doctoral way having just started my MA with a poor academic background. I'm going to choose to go with her explanation. I quite liked it.

I'm looking forward to Dec 16th when I will attend the all day showing of all three LOTR movies at a movie theatre in Vancouver. They are showing the special editions of 1 and 2 and then the third movie. It's going to be just what I need after having researched fantasy all term is just to sit down and enjoy a bit of it.

The next few days are stupidly busy as usual. Oh Kanga how I long for your domestic godessness. You are way too organised.

Christmas will be relaxing for the most part. But it's all a little tense as my grandmother in Costa Rica just got out of the hospital and my mom is over there taking care of her. She's still in really bad shape. Christmas without mom is not Christmas. She makes everything perfect. It makes me quite sad to think we won't be putting up our huge nativity scene together this year. We create a whole village, with an ice skating rink and a train track and mountains. Sigh. I did Christmas without my parents last year too and though K.Lo and P.Daddy (sorry Will) were nice enough to invite us over, I missed my parental unit. Very amusing actually considering I usually spend all my time fighting with them.

And yes I am complaining even though my poor ita is so sick. I'm a selfish girl, what can I say? Seriously though, I'd love to be there for her right now, but money is just too tight. A story of my amazing grandmother's life is forthcoming as soon as all this paperwork is out of the way.

Well, must get go get a plunger for this paper. Perhaps I'm feeling Highness trying to stop me from writing about Marxism and Neil Gaiman. That's it, it's all her fault :)

Well I should be studying ...rather I should be napping so I can study effectively later on tonight. However, I am listening to the glorious Yonderboy (thank you Highness) and looking forward to going to see A Christmas Carol later on.

Last night the belly shook. It was so much fun! I have never been so nervous about anything in my life. I was shaking like a leaf, which might have actually helped my shimmies. My fan club seemed impressed by my little performance and for that I thank them. Kanga, like the good mom she is, took many pics and might put one of them up on her blog at some point. I extend the hand of gratitude for the support of my three lovelies: Duke, Pickle, and Kanga for being there for me last night. I had a total blast and want to start performing on a daily basis. It was quite a rush, however I'm not sure if my heart could take it as today I am literally exhausted.

Thankfully I was treated to a fabulous authentic Korean lunch today - one of my TEFL students and his roomate made me lunch today. Mmmm korean boys... :) But seriously folks, they treated me like a princess and the food was delicious.

The nervous energy backstage was really interesting. I've been in plays and such before, but I found this was a little different because for one thing, it was all girls (with the exception of Edmonton's sensational male belly dancer - he is mind bogglingly good) and for another it was all girls in really sexy outfits giggling about how fabulous they were. There were quite a number of Level 1's running around freaking out (but in a good way) and Anemone (the woman who runs the school) put a ton of wine backstage so girls were getting slightly tipsy and trying out moves in the change rooms. My group of girls was really great, and I'll miss them as I'm moving on to level 3 in January, but most of them will join me there in April I think.
As much fun as I had last night (nothing could have lessened the joy, I recommend belly dancing to all! It should be mandatory in schools or something) I did spend a minute, just before going on thinking "I can't believe Chelsea and Klara aren't here" I don't think I will ever stop associating the joy of belly dancing with you two wonderful girls. Taking classes with you two was honestly one of the healthiest and most fun things I've ever done. Love you both and good luck to Klara on her upcoming performance, I'll be with you in spirit hon.

Okay, I'm going to try and have a nap before we head off. The world is starting to look a little fuzzy, but still so very rose-coloured.

Oh why am I writing when all I've been doing is sitting in front of this computer? Perhaps because here am I free to make spelling mistakes and use swear words and talk about poo. I love you all for that.

Took one of my anti-stress pills on Saturday night. First one I've had all term. Why haven't I done this before? It was lovely and I'm now actually getting work done instead of just staring at books and thinking about how I'm going to fail.

I went to see Chuck D give a speech on Tuesday night. It was really good, thought it did go on for 4 hours. He has a great way of expressing himself - "your minds are the modern real estate" so he wanted us to keep our own minds. He also made some comments about the word "nigger" - he does not believe in the re-appropration of that word. It is negative and no one should have the liscence to use it positively. And he also made an interesting point about the death of the black man having always been profitable in American society - they make them money in jail and rap star make the studios more money dead then alive. He was way more eloquent than that, but I'm a little fried right now.

Adam's play, The Laramie Project, was fabulous. Really talented actors and a really moving performance. Sold out two nights in a row. They had a space in the foyer where people could right comments and this one girl wrote "I love this world too much to let it stay the same" - that and queer theory and all the other signs in my life have led me to volunteer my time to yet another committee, but this one is off campus thank fuck: The Gay, Lesbian, and Bi Association. I also wanted to volunteer for the youth programme, but these kids are pretty fucked up and I think they need to talk to people who have also been judged and persecuted for their sexuality. I can't tell them I know how it feels cuz I don't. But I'll see, maybe I can help them out a bit. The only place I've ever experienced any sort of judgement is at the university actually - in the class where we discussed Queer Theory, I brought in my very humourous Lesbianism Made Easy book and a few girls actually said "disgusting" as it was passed around. Other comments were made, I don't feel like reproducing them. So, even in my hick town of Kelowna there are more open minded people than this class of MA students. Anyway, I've always wanted to expand people's minds about sexuality and I figure this is a good place to start. I start in January woo hoo!

who cares whose arms i'm wrapped up in
who cares whose eyes i see myself in
who cares who i dream of
who cares who i love
'cause in the end it only matters
that I was loved
and am loved
love has no face
-Randi Driscoll