In Fond Remembrance of Me by Howard Norman is quite lovely. What a godawful way to start a blog, "quite lovely?," sweet jesus, I sound like Jessica Fletcher writing a book review.

It's basically one man's recounting of a woman in his life who made him see the world in a different way. The way he writes about her is not too twee or nostalgic, it's just describing his own ignorance when he met her and the little ways in which she got him to think bigger. He was commissioned to translate inuit stories into English, and she was there translating them into Japanese, thus part of the text includes his translations of several inuit Noah and the Arc stories which are, well also quite lovely. Well, as with a lot of Native stories I've read, what they are is quite cheeky and it's amazing how many times people (including myself) miss the point in them given how simply they are told.

Total side bar to what I was actually going to write about, but I actually often relate these types of stories to the way I talk to boyfriends. This is not meant to be insulting to men, but up until recently, I've hung out with mostly boys my whole life and I know they like to be told what you're feeling in clear and simple terms so that's what I do. I also like to be talked to in this way, I hate passive agression and unclear stuff, so we have this in common. It's only sensible to try and be as clear as possible when explaining what's going on in your head to your loved ones.

I give no "well if you don't know what I'm mad about then I'm not going to tell you" kind of bullshit. I state things as clearly as possible eg:"it pisses me off when you sleep with other girls and lie about it," or "I refuse to make you my priority when my father is in the hospital." However, despite my intended clarity and simplicity, many boys still often seem to miss the point. Perhaps I should learn to become more stereotypically female and then at least I would only have myself to blame for their lack of understanding.

And back on to the topic at hand...

The book, you know the one I was talking about before the rant?, just reminds me so much of my feelings towards all the people in my life that have changed my perspective. I am so infinitly grateful for the plentitude of amazing hearts and minds that have affected me in such a way.

The story reminds me most of Vincent Buresi, my friend's uncle who lives in Navacelles in the south of France and who I lived with for most of the duration of my stay there. He's such an eccentric guy, at the time (god, 12 years ago) living the bachelor life with a mangy mutt named Scaff who he fed chicken bones to in the hopes that the dog would choke, though when the dog actually died after 13 years, Vincent was heartbroken. But he got drunk and played the piano alone in his cellar in the late evenings and lived in this town where only 4 people live year round and introduced me to art and the art of argument. Seven years later, my friend Nicky and her husband Mark got married in Navacelles, it was the first time Mark had ever been. They later held a reception in Calgary as many had not been able to attend the wedding, and I was amused to see that all Mark could talk about during his reception speech was Vincent and how Vincent had affected him.

I don't think you ever really know the people who affect you this way, you generally are too focused on what they are doing for you to notice who they really are. It's a strange relationship in that way. I certainly don't know my first belly dancing teacher, Rena, very well but she changed the entire way that I live my life. She changed the way I walk, the way I move through this world. And Dr. Eileen Conway, now a minister at the Anglican church near my house, she taught the first children's literature class I ever took and gave me the first push in any real "direction" that I'd ever had. I knew this woman as a teacher for 3 months, nothing more, and my whole perspective on what was important in reading changed because of her. What I intend to do with my life was brought to me by her and though I have written her emails letting her know as much, she hasn't seen me since she taught the course over eight years ago. And I know I could go and see her any time I wanted, but there's this romantic part of me that wants to keep her the way she was then, this mythic figure who gave me the world.

There are a great many more, my schizophrenic uncle, my dad, my mom, Pickle, David and Marie and the list goes on. I've been lucky and I can only hope everyone reading this has been lucky too.

So what have I been reading today? What else but party websites. Not the good type of party, the political party. God this election is depressing me. Happily though, I can say in all honesty that the NDP website kicks butt on the other two leading parties, not in terms of design (because they all suck design-wise) but in terms of language. Whether or not you agree with with the NDP content, they have presented their ideas in the clearest and most personable manner.

The Liberal website was so full of political schmoozy language - basically stating "we're vague and we're proud of it!" Anything to avoid making actual statements about issues, and being as general as possible. It read as though a computer programmed with "placating the public" had written it. It was charged with so many political cliches that it was entirely impersonal. It irked me, it irked me bad. The only thing I liked about it was the blog, just because at least it sounded like a real person was behind the liberal party.

The Conservative party was ...well this is difficult for me to review impartially as Stephen Harper does drink blood and own a dragon (mercer report, click the liberal ad). Though I guess for a fantasy geek, these should be good things. Hmm...

Basically I can't say anything nice about a man who hates queers - it's self-destructive and would not allow me to continue my whole ass fucking thing. I know he's probably going to win, but if he gets a majority government I'm stating now that I will leave good ol' Canada until the next election. It's not a threat, it's a promise.

I will say that the amount of times "canadian values" came up on the site rivals Bush's use of "american family values." I have come to realize that the word "values" only has a negative connotation for me now, though I do support family values (and good taste in general) by refusing to dance to My Hump in clubs. And it was a little depressing to see that he has no policies on education on the main pages of his site, other than saying he will make it easier to get an education as a tradesman. The site was fairly specific about their policies and plans of action, but not particularly thorough in their explanations.

The NDP site was way more personal, but still professional. And it addressed issues with a directness and thoroughness that the others didn't. I didn't feel like anything was being hidden or like I was being patronized, which was nice. I have never voted NDP before (and surprise, surprise, I have voted conservative once before), and I know Jack has not been doing great in the speeches and stuff, but they seem to have some policies in place. They placed education right up there as an issue and they also talked about something that no other site is even mentioning - aboriginal issues, not that they have the best ideas, but at least they still acknowledge it. Have people forgotten about this issue? I know walking the streets of this city, I can't ignore it. These peoples have been destroyed, as Chris Rock would say, when was the last time you saw an entire family of natives eating at IHOP? Or an entire family of natives anywhere for that matter.

I just read a fabulous book about the subject actually, called Wasase: Indigenous Pathways of Action and Freedom by Taiaiake Alfred. It's so incredibly well written and proposes some fairly big changes. He's basically stating that all the money and land claims we've thrown at this issue has done nothing, the problems with alcohol and homelessness are still raging. He believes that the only thing that can help is for the aboriginal people to feel like, well, people. It seems to me that no one, including myself, refers to them as people anymore, but as an "issue." In order for this happen, some radical action is required, they need to feel responsible and like a real community, and he's proposing that giving up all government aide might be the only way for aboriginal people to fight their way back up and feel like human beings again, taking responsibility for their own fight. He recognizes that most are not the warriors they once were, and that as a people they might not be strong enough right now, but is starting to encourage the path of the warrior as an option rooted in their culture. I don't know yet if I agree with all he had to say, but he certainly had an excellent way of saying it. I hope the success of this book will bring this "issue" back up to the forefront.

Anyway, such are my thoughts on election day. May the least heinous man win, though I don't know who that is yet, I think you all know who the most heinous man is and I have confidence that you will not vote for him and send Canada into the same family values vs open-mindedness civil war that the US is waging right now.

Thanks to everyone for the words of support. And can everyone please comment on whether or not they think the juicy fruit comment is just a clever ad for juicy fruit or an actual blog?

Purging - it's a wonderful thing when not done with regards to food. It's painful and awkward and sometimes very funny, but almost always beneficial. My dad is going through it right now, having been forced to quit smoking after his quintuple bipass in late november and having to try and not light up after the death of his mother. It's interesting as I think smoking was one of his ways of avoiding having to deal with stuff (eg: during arguments dad would leave the house, saying he needed to "go for a smoke") and now there's no avoiding stuff. He's having to actually deal with everything as it's happening. All the bile in his arteries has been purged and he's having to deal with the purging of his emotional stuff now.

Purging of anger over a situation seems to be what Office Haiku is about. It's an advanced reader copy I got that should come out sometime this spring. James Rogauskas has written a very humourous book of haiku poetry ranting about office jobs (though many could apply to jobs in general) and goddamn was I urinating last night whilst reading it. Haiku is a very good tool for expressing yourself honestly about day to day life, I would also highly recommend you take a look at Gay Haiku by Joel Derfner (because, you know, me and the whole ass fucking permeates my life thing) which has such gems as

I don't understand.
You love it when I do that--
Wait, no. That's Stephen.

and

Remember when I
Said I disliked oral sex?
I meant just with you.

Now I'm not supposed to directly quote from advanced reader copies as they are not "done" yet, but here I go with the illegal activities. Livin' on the edge, these are some of the poems in Office Haiku.

In my cubicle
I sit; envying the dead
Two hours left to go.

in the coffee section...

Jitters, coffee breath,
And frequent urination.
What more could I want?

office politics...

At least in prison
You get to shank people who
Really annoy you.

afternoon boredom...

I sit wondering;
Can someone die of boredom?
Only time will tell.

Pried my thumbnail off
With the stable remover
Just to stay awake.

My nona died late Wednesday night. I'm sad about how much other people are going to miss her, but I think she's happy to be rid of this life. It wasn't a very good one for her and I don't know what happens to those who pass away, but whatever it is, I hope what she endured in this life has made her worthy of some ecstacy.

I often wondered, when she was alive, what kind of person she would have been if she hadn't married an asshole and stayed with him for 60 years. Maybe she would have been the sort of person I could have been friends with. I like to think so.

In order to write this small post about Highlander slash, I first have to proudly and freely admit that I watched, and loved, Highlander: the Series. The first movie with Mr. Lambert was a cult classic and I was happy to discover that though the following movies had dialogue almost as bad as the second Star Wars trilogy, the television series created from the movie was actually pretty damn good. Maybe not the first few seasons, but as soon as Methos came into the picture it was all good. I say this not just because it was a really sexy character (if you're a gal with a big roman nose fetish, it just doesn't get any better than Peter Wingfield, though he is no longer my screen saver) but because they seemed to delve deeper into issues of violence, existence, and survival after he came onto the show.

There are two slash stories that I would highly recommend: Save the Last Dance for Me by Dayspring is one of the cutest stories I've ever read and probably the only G-rated slash I'll ever rec.

The other story is the best slash out there. Sacred Trust by Lanning Cook is a fabulous fiction that captured the show's patter, and frankly did a better job than the actual writers usually did of showing us the characters and coming up with a totally innovative storyline. This story should have been Highlander 4: Endgame - seriously folks no matter how disturbing you find the guy on guy scenes (and there aren't that many in this) nothing can be more disturbing than how bad that movie was. Why oh why does Mr. Lambert continue to be in these things when every movie he's been in since the first Highlander has proven that he is the worst actor ever? Adrian Paul makes a much better choice, though his acting skills aren't exactly superb, as at least he is a competant martial artist who can swing a sword (no slash pun intended)

I wrote a paper once on the similarities between slash porn and trashy romance. There are a few plot tricks that both use, but actually slash has quite a few of it's own unique characteristics: the hurt/comfort plots (which dominate the genre) where the characters get together through one comforting the other over emotional or physical hurt, and the fact that they often take place in sci-fi/fantasy worlds. Often here one character is human and the other not, or both are not human, both scenarios aiding in creating believability as something like a vampire lives too long to be concerned with gay/straight issues. The fantasy element comes into play, I think, because of something Donald Palumbo once said, that fantasy is the realm where we can explore what is possible and it can and does help to play out thoughts on what sexuality is and where it can lead to. The fantastical characters in most slash push the boundaries, they are usually queer and not defined in binary terms of gay or straight and they generally have a few kinks outside of who they choose to sleep with. The slash stories also tend to put into question ideas of masculinity and gay stereotypes.

But as usual, I'm academicizing. Though all of this makes slash interesting to me, it's mostly because I like a good love story and I like erotica and yet the trashy romance never appealed to me. The characters are boring in harlequins, plots are non-existant, and the whole genre is just way too fucking vanilla for a girl like me. I'm a sexy, perverted, geek and I want my porn to appeal to my inner nerd - give me the characters I'm obsessed with and make it something a little different and a little culty. What's gonna be wrong with that?