5.30.2007

Good Clean Fun
For my precious Kirtles, because he asked for it.
Pairing: Giles/Mayor Wilkins
Rating: R (some of my readers don't want this to go as far I want it to go. Sigh.)
Story: Mostly just a comedic piece to prove it could be done. It's makes no plausible sense, a PWP for sure. Not trying to be sexy, just ...disturbing and funny? Hope it works. Takes place after the Mayor's visit to the school library (where Giles pushes a rapier into his chest). This is an AU in the sense that I don't think the Mayor would ever do anal as it's just a little too germy for him.

Giles ran into the alley and looked frantically for anything to cover himself up. Finding nothing, he cursed himself again for choosing to wear his cotton meditation outfit when battling a demon that spat cotton-eating acid. Not that Willow had mentioned that the acid was especially toxic to natural fibers. He had merely figured that the standard tweed he was accustomed to wearing was not particularly conducive to physical activity and he had wanted to try something new. He heard Buffy's voice in his head, "That'll teach you. You're old, new things aren't for you."

And oh how he wished Buffy were here. He had rushed out to stall this demon, knowing it played some part in the final phases of the Mayor's preparation for the Ascension. He thought only to get it to chase after him long enough for him to get it to Buffy, who could then dispose of it. He hadn't planned on it burning all his clothes off and having to drag his old self around the city completely starkers.

He peered out of the alley, the large green demon was still lumbering after him. As he turned to get himself out of the line of sight, he came face to face with a vampiric visage and a large blunt object being swung at his person. As he tumbled to the ground he thought Brilliant! Unconscious and naked. What will I think of next?
...

Giles came to in a strange office with a white sheet draped over him. The april fresh scent was overpowering. Giles propped himself up and had a look around.

The Mayor's office. Oh dear.

A self-satisfied looking vampire stood at the door.

"Boss is really gonna love me now," he drawled."I got me the Slayer's Daddy."

Just as Giles was about to get up and show the vampire exactly whose daddy he was, the door opened and Mayor Wilkins walked in.

"Well, well! This office hasn't seen so many unexpected visitors since the infestation. Of course, those were cockroaches, disgusting little suckers. I don't think I'll have to get the place fumigated on account of you Mr. Giles." The Mayor looked at him more intently.

"Wait, is he naked under there? Better get Facilities to give the leather a good seeing to, just in case."

"Now see here, there's no need for any such thing. I'm perfectly clean." Giles harrumphed.

Mayor Wilkins walked behind his desk, ignoring the indignant librarian's protestations. "Mr. Giles, I hear you were going after my demon. First of all, that wasn't very nice! And second of all, a man of your age and position should not be traipsing all over the city chasing a demon. That's your Slayer's job. It would seem you might need me to give you some tips on training that little girl. My Faith..."

"Your Faith is a homicidal maniac who needs to be institutionalized!" Giles interrupted, standing up and letting his sheet drop to ground.

"My Faith needs someone to love, support, and be patient with her. I'm doing exactly that Mr. Giles. Can you explain to me why it is that you never bothered to do the same for her?"

Giles sighed and looked pained. He had certainly wanted to help Faith, but matters had been taken out of his hands. He reached up and took his glasses off, only to discover that as he was naked, he had nothing to clean them with. The Mayor knew immediately what he was looking for, reached in to his desk, and pulled out a clean tissue. Giles accepted it gratefully and proceeded to thoroughly clean his classes. The Mayor watched Giles' reaction to Faith closely.

"It's a tough business, raising these strong girls of ours, isn't it Mr. Giles?" Suddenly adopting a more sympathetic tone as he realized that Giles was a man who cared about the two things he himself cared most about: Slayers and Being Clean and Polite.

"Yes, indeed it is. Fatherhood was not exactly what I had prepared myself for when I left the Watcher's academy," Giles stated with a tight smile.

"It wasn't something I had prepared myself for either. Though I have always tried to be a role model to the little tykes here in Sunnydale. But then Faith came my way, and she obviously needed someone to show her what was proper...and here I am.

"I am truly sorry for all the pain Faith has had to endure." Giles said, looking up at the Mayor and wondering how hard he had been hit on the head, to be sitting here having this conversation with the man about to destroy the world.

"Thank you Mr. Giles. I believe you are sorry. We all make mistakes. And sometimes, it's hard to know what we're doing with our two girls. They're not like anybody else, are they? And looking after them, well it sure takes a lot of time out of the day. Doesn't leave much time for yourself, does it? I've got an Ascension to prepare for, and I can't seem to stop myself from taking Faith out for lollies." the Mayor said.

Giles' mind took a moment to register that mental picture, then he proceeded,"No, it certainly doesn't leave much time for our own pursuits. It's a rather lonely life."

The Mayor again looked at Giles, then looked him up and down, as if suddenly noticing the nakedness of the man before him. Noticing...and appreciating. "It is indeed a lonely life," he said.

Giles took in the Mayor's glance, and flushed. Even at this small attention, he was already ...well starting to be at attention. It had been too long and he was embarrassingly eager. So far, the evening had progressed from naked to unconscious to acting like a desperate teenager in front of the Mayor. Giles really wasn't sure where else the evening could possibly go from here.

Mayor Wilkins took in Giles' state and began a slow smile. "Mr. Giles, I'm a direct man. For all intents and purposes, we are enemies, not on the same side. But tonight we have found some common ground, and it looks like this is going to be one of my last nights in this body, a body that can do very agreeable things to your body. I'd say this evening's coinkidinks are telling us something, wouldn't you Mr Giles?"

Rupert Giles stared at the Mayor. He looked down at his own erection, made massive and throbbing by the Mayor's authoritative, school-masteresque tone. Giles ran through about a hundred arguments in his head, his penis arguing for and his brain against. But finally, Ripper's voice entered his head and yelled "Buffy's been fucking a vampire for chrissake, the least you can do is tie one off with the Mayor." And the argument was decided. Giles got to his knees.

"Wait, hold on a second there!" the Mayor barked, pulling Giles up. "We're both civilized men, and we are not going to throw that civility out the window to lust. These things are nicely started with a kiss."

And as their lips met, everything started to loosen. Parts of Giles' body that had been tense for years gave way and he relaxed into this man who he knew would never let him loosen to far. A man who was strong enough to let him unclench a little but also strong enough and similar enough in his convictions that he would never let Giles go too far, regress too much into the old, uncontrolled Ripper persona. The Mayor, sensing the wild man beneath the calm, collected exterior, was happy to meet a partner who understood him. Someone who, unlike Faith and everyone else around him, knew the importance of keeping things clean, proper and tidy even in, especially in, times of chaos. But also someone who had a keen sense of the power of the monster within.

Kissing turned to touching, and the ripping of clothing. The Mayor issued commands in the tone which had every vampire in Sunnydale kissing his feet, and one particular librarian sucking his cock. And just when Giles thought his masterful tongue was going to get what it had been questing for, the Mayor pulled him up off his knees and started to kiss him again. Both men naked and highly aroused, there seemed to be a stand off going on now. Giles had been happy to follow orders, but the decision of who would take whom was still up for debate.

Finally, the Mayor spoke up, "Mr Giles, you and I are both equal men of good standing in the community. But I'm the Mayor and I'm invincible, and am about to transcend into a pure demon. I think I'm going to have to call "topsies" on this one".

Giles nodded, he did have him there. And he was about to have him elsewhere.

As Giles was bent over the desk by smooth, confident hands, the Mayor suddenly stopped touching.

"Oh right. Well, haven't been here for awhile. Maybe I should get a wet nap or something..."

"It's okay boss," said the vampire who was still standing guard at the door, much to Giles' embarrassment. "We had him totally cleansed before we put him on the couch. Didn't really think you'd want his ass on your leather couch if it wasn't sparkling clean."

"Thank you Enrique, that was awfully thoughtful of you," said the Mayor. "Wasn't that thoughtful of him?" he said leaning in and giving Giles a good hard smack on this ass.

Giles merely whimpered his agreement.

The Mayor prepared Giles carefully and took him forcefully on the desk. Giles was both ashamed and ecstatic at the results of their joining. The Mayor was brutal in taking what he wanted, and Giles loved every straining, deliciously painful moment of it.

After the deed was accomplished, the Mayor got some gloves and other things out of that handy drawer in his desk and proceeded to clean himself and Giles up very thoroughly. So thoroughly that Giles was almost begging for more by the end of it.

Giles tried to stand up, and found he was more than a little sore. This soreness brought home the fact that while he was more content than he had been in ages, he was still standing in an office with the evil Mayor of Sunnydale, having just come all over his desk, and having done nothing whatsoever to help stop the Ascension.

Mayor Wilkins noticed Giles' sudden frown and could guess what caused it. He smiled in his sunny fashion.

"I have just the thing to turn that frown upside down"

Giles looked at him questioningly.

"Two words. Miniature. Golf."

5.26.2007

I just missed being able to sit at a table across from Captain Tightpants. I would've been sitting with my coworkers at this table if not for a couple of stupid belly dance gigs.

My life has lost all meaning.

5.22.2007

Actually, the story of love between the Mayor and Giles is finished, but before I put it up I have to recount the tale of Mrs. Peacock's birthday.

This past Saturday, we rented this city's only Fire Truck Hot Tub to drive 12 (10 women, 2 men) of us around in celebration of Mrs. P's 30-something years on this earth. May I say, should anyone be looking to rent one of these puppies, it is well worth the expense. Especially if it makes one of your best friends smile like that.

I must warn everyone though, that being in this hot tub requires that you be as obnoxious as humanly possible (when in Rome...) and I had not realized quite how exhausting being obnoxious is. I was one tired chick when I got home. My voice was raw the next morning from screaming "take it off" to so many strangers.

We all entered said hot tub (after it had some heating issues that were taken care of at my place) with alcohol laden plastic sippy cups in hand. Though most people brought large plastic water containers, I continued my tradition of drinking expensive Scotch (Oban for this occasion) in sacrilegious ways: this time I had it in Diane's granddaughters sippy cup - the kind you have to suck to get anything out of - with little cartoon dogs and cats on it.

We then headed around the city's downtown core, the river valley, and some of the dodgier points of town, with the driver knowing exactly how much to hit the brakes so that the water created huge waves and we all sloshed about like the lushes we are.

Pebbles and Bam Bam came out as well. Bam Bam, large man that he is, made quite a splash as we drove out past the clubs and he showed everyone his pierced nipples. I think the gay club was rather enthused over the large Bear.

The two men of our crew were right up there in the battle for the title of Most Obnoxious. Perhaps my favourite moment of male bonding came when Bam Bam announced that this was his high school wet dream and pointed at two of us girls and yelled "you and you! make out!" and then at another two and yelled "you and you! fight!" And it was at this moment, when Bam Bam told two women to fight, that Mr P, the previously quite quiet engineer who is Mrs. P's husband and father to their two little girls, yelled out "Yeah!" and raised a glass to toast with Bam Bam. The evening's moral standards went downhill from there.

But what would a party be without the Wee Yin doing something everyone else regrets later? Seriously though folks, this one was so not my fault. After the hot tub, Mr. P (who braved coming out with a bunch of belly dancers in order to make his wife happy) wanted to streak naked through the neighborhood and Bam Bam was in for it and I couldn't very well let the females go unrepresented here now could I? And it was so Kinky Karen's idea to bring out the camera for this event - I would not have suggested anyone taking pictures of me running naked (there is good jiggle, and there is bad jiggle and this was in the bad jiggle camp). And yet Pebbles just kept accusing me of being the bad influence.

I have learned that sometimes, life is unfair.

But really, the best part of the evening was Mrs. Peacock getting drunk to the point of repeating "I love you guys" over and over again (we've all been there) and then adding to that classic drunken phrase as the beautiful driver of the Fire Truck stops and comes out to ask if are okay and Mrs. P stands up and yells out to him "I love you cuz you're sober!" and then falls back into the water.

I have decided it should be my goal to get more 30-something mothers so drunk that they collapse in the entry ways of their homes and can only loll their heads about as they giggle incessantly. It was really quite cute.

And the most amazing thing? It was that after all that water and drinking, Mrs. P's eye make-up and sparkles were still intact. This is the kind of wisdom and learning I hope to get as I age.

5.04.2007

I am working on Kirtles'story of love between the mayor and giles but I just wanted to say that right now, for a few minutes anyway, in my world, there is happy.

Jodi's kittycat has been found, I got to spend the day with one of my favourite people, and I just got the third part in the Buffy comic. I also went to the Indian spice market and got myself some lovely curry which I am now eating while watching Angel, having already completed my Buffy comic.

Yes, there are a lot of other tiny catastrophes I should be thinking about and dealing with, but I'm going to enjoy this bit of peace.