Amazingly, after a day of not inhaling paint fumes and having just taken a little nap (read: 2 hours of deep snoring bliss) I'm feeling much better. Here's a little British humour to take the edge off the weekend - from comedians and the Edinburgh Fringe fest. Thanks Cherub.

Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?

Adam Bloom at the Pleasance

My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a twat.

Susan Murray at the Underbelly

Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that
they're enjoying it as well.

Scott Capurro at the Pleasance

My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen.

Jimmy Carr at the ICC

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms

I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"

Norman Lovett at The Stand

I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: "This door is alarmed." I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?"

Arnold Brown at The Stand