Well for those of you waiting impatiently for news of the bi group, you'll be sadly disappointed. I didn't go. I mixed up the times and realized that by the time Edmonton Transit got me there I would be about an hour late. But the thing is, I think I did that on purpose.
I was a tiny bit scared to go. Not just because I had no idea who would be there, but because I realized while looking at their website that this is a "support group" and I don't really know what that means. Like, all I have in my head are all those support groups that Edward Norton went to in Fight Club and I know that's probably not what this one will be like but... well if not that, then what? I just wanted to go somewhere where people would sit around and talk, not sit around in a circle and talk. Anyway, my reason was dumb because my reason was fear. Having just discussed with a pal how dumb it is to use fear as an excuse not to do something, I feel bashful. I know that my head just needs a little more time to get around this and I'll go next month, you just wait and see (they only meet once a month)
It's weird because I rarely let fear control me. Laziness yes, but not fear. And it sucks. It happened to me last year when I was having all the heart problems. Fear just sucked me in and held me in its grip for a good long time. I chose a crap job over teaching because it was while teaching that the heart started acting up and I thought it might be too stressful to go back to. After a few months of said crap job, I started to realize why I had taken it and that a decision based on fear is always the wrong decision. I went back to teaching part time and did the educational theatre as well and, with a few minor setbacks, managed to handle everything just fine. Anyway, ever since then I feel like I've been prone to the fear thing more often and it bugs me that it still holds some sway. Like tonight I'm going to a free Kung Fu class, and I haven't done anything that physically gruelling for more than a year and the ol' heart fear kicks in. Ack, like how stupid do I think I am? If I feel strange, I'll take it down a knotch or rest for a bit - it's as simple as that. You can be sure I'll be headed to that tonight though, because I've conquered the heart fear. I just haven't worked on my previously unknown fear of sitting in a circle listening to people complain - which is probably not what the bi group is about, it's just what I'm scared of.
One of the other things was that I was looking at bi personal ads the other day and none of them were under the age of 40 and quite a few were 60+. Maybe I'm just looking at the wrong sites. It's not that it would bug me to get the perspective of people in that age group, but lets face it I was going in order to get pussy and well...60 is just a little over my limit. I've seen 60+ year old twat on the internet - now that scares me. I'm not into plastic surgery but jezus! If that's the future, I may have to get some stuff nipped and tucked down there. Don't get me wrong, a lot of older women are beautiful, but I don't really like going down on unkempt 20-year olds let alone... well you get my meaning. Perhaps it's just time to go to the lesbian clubs, which is fine just that lesbians aren't really all that fond of bi's and plus, hate to be mean, but bi's are usually cuter. I've seen some hot lesbians in my time, hell one is my best friends is a totally hot lesbian, but I've also been to the ladies nights and hooboy, - I'm sure Kristine remembers the night I got hit on by a Pat-esque Japanese woman with a mullet and poor Kris had to come save me (I was on e and just couldn't be rude enough to get her to fuck off)
But it seems weird, because a lot of girls I know are bi-curious but I can't imagine any of those girls heading out to a bi support group to see what it's like. Who knows? I guess I will at the end of August.
I did rent the movie Frida last night. I'd recommend it. What an incredible life story, and yes all of you who hate Salma Hayek, she's quite wonderful in this (someone told me recently that I looked like her, very sweet. Quite untrue, but very sweet). Though I'm not sure why they decided to do the movie in English and not Spanish. Well, that's not true, Salma said it herself that she needed the star power of Ashley Judd, Ed Norton, Geoffrey Rush, Alfred Molena etc in order to get the movie produced. She called on those star friends of hers to be in the movie and work for scale. Edward Norton is in it and apparently wrote the script, something I didn't know. But I still think it would have been better in Spanish. I'd love to see some of this woman's paintings and her diaries, especially the diaries - she led an extraordinary life and for some odd reason, though I have been through none of her trials, I felt like I related to her. She did these incredible paintings that were totally unique and yet made the viewer feel as though she understood them, life, and especially pain. Some of her paintings are pretty disturbing.
Well, off to do some CV stuff and then to show Adam's pictures to a lady who wants him to be a Fringe photographer. I'm sure she'll be duly impressed, even though I don't have all of his stuff. Could I have picked a more talented guy? Don't think so. Kind of intimidating at times, I tell ya.
Adventures abound.
I was a tiny bit scared to go. Not just because I had no idea who would be there, but because I realized while looking at their website that this is a "support group" and I don't really know what that means. Like, all I have in my head are all those support groups that Edward Norton went to in Fight Club and I know that's probably not what this one will be like but... well if not that, then what? I just wanted to go somewhere where people would sit around and talk, not sit around in a circle and talk. Anyway, my reason was dumb because my reason was fear. Having just discussed with a pal how dumb it is to use fear as an excuse not to do something, I feel bashful. I know that my head just needs a little more time to get around this and I'll go next month, you just wait and see (they only meet once a month)
It's weird because I rarely let fear control me. Laziness yes, but not fear. And it sucks. It happened to me last year when I was having all the heart problems. Fear just sucked me in and held me in its grip for a good long time. I chose a crap job over teaching because it was while teaching that the heart started acting up and I thought it might be too stressful to go back to. After a few months of said crap job, I started to realize why I had taken it and that a decision based on fear is always the wrong decision. I went back to teaching part time and did the educational theatre as well and, with a few minor setbacks, managed to handle everything just fine. Anyway, ever since then I feel like I've been prone to the fear thing more often and it bugs me that it still holds some sway. Like tonight I'm going to a free Kung Fu class, and I haven't done anything that physically gruelling for more than a year and the ol' heart fear kicks in. Ack, like how stupid do I think I am? If I feel strange, I'll take it down a knotch or rest for a bit - it's as simple as that. You can be sure I'll be headed to that tonight though, because I've conquered the heart fear. I just haven't worked on my previously unknown fear of sitting in a circle listening to people complain - which is probably not what the bi group is about, it's just what I'm scared of.
One of the other things was that I was looking at bi personal ads the other day and none of them were under the age of 40 and quite a few were 60+. Maybe I'm just looking at the wrong sites. It's not that it would bug me to get the perspective of people in that age group, but lets face it I was going in order to get pussy and well...60 is just a little over my limit. I've seen 60+ year old twat on the internet - now that scares me. I'm not into plastic surgery but jezus! If that's the future, I may have to get some stuff nipped and tucked down there. Don't get me wrong, a lot of older women are beautiful, but I don't really like going down on unkempt 20-year olds let alone... well you get my meaning. Perhaps it's just time to go to the lesbian clubs, which is fine just that lesbians aren't really all that fond of bi's and plus, hate to be mean, but bi's are usually cuter. I've seen some hot lesbians in my time, hell one is my best friends is a totally hot lesbian, but I've also been to the ladies nights and hooboy, - I'm sure Kristine remembers the night I got hit on by a Pat-esque Japanese woman with a mullet and poor Kris had to come save me (I was on e and just couldn't be rude enough to get her to fuck off)
But it seems weird, because a lot of girls I know are bi-curious but I can't imagine any of those girls heading out to a bi support group to see what it's like. Who knows? I guess I will at the end of August.
I did rent the movie Frida last night. I'd recommend it. What an incredible life story, and yes all of you who hate Salma Hayek, she's quite wonderful in this (someone told me recently that I looked like her, very sweet. Quite untrue, but very sweet). Though I'm not sure why they decided to do the movie in English and not Spanish. Well, that's not true, Salma said it herself that she needed the star power of Ashley Judd, Ed Norton, Geoffrey Rush, Alfred Molena etc in order to get the movie produced. She called on those star friends of hers to be in the movie and work for scale. Edward Norton is in it and apparently wrote the script, something I didn't know. But I still think it would have been better in Spanish. I'd love to see some of this woman's paintings and her diaries, especially the diaries - she led an extraordinary life and for some odd reason, though I have been through none of her trials, I felt like I related to her. She did these incredible paintings that were totally unique and yet made the viewer feel as though she understood them, life, and especially pain. Some of her paintings are pretty disturbing.
Well, off to do some CV stuff and then to show Adam's pictures to a lady who wants him to be a Fringe photographer. I'm sure she'll be duly impressed, even though I don't have all of his stuff. Could I have picked a more talented guy? Don't think so. Kind of intimidating at times, I tell ya.
Adventures abound.
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