"its hard to win the where you fit in to the social
scene/couple cuddling/drive me crazy/leave me alone/party animal/hanging out
with girlfriends dilemma."
Today's blog is about couple stuff. The freight fiasco continues and I just got my period so crankiness thy name is Tania.
Above is a very well written comment on yesterday's blog topic of singledom vs coupledom. It's true that most people probably fight with themselves because we all need alone time, party time, snuggle time etc and it's hard to balance all of these impulses. And it's probably a lot easier to balance when you're only dealing with one person and not the duality of coupledom. I mean, there are days when I wish I had a guy who wanted to sit around and watch TV with me and wanted to settle down now that he's found the right girl. But most of the time I'm thankful that I've chosen the challenging kind who still wants to challenge himself and party and try new shit all the time, because that's more or less what I want too... most times... sometimes... whatever. See, listening to yourself gets confusing. And sometimes Adam does want to sit around and watch TV with me (not that I have a TV, but whatev.) The tricky part is that sometimes when one person wants lazy comfort, the other wants wild dancing followed by 2 hours of rockin' sex. We both lead pretty seperate lives, but not too seperate. But that's also a problem with couples, because what is "too seperate"? If you never spend any time together and don't have anything in common, then can you call that a relationship? But most of the couples I know don't have to worry about being too seperate, I think they spend quite enough time with eachother thankyouverymuch.
I got several reactions to the topic and the episode of Sex in the City that I downloaded coincidentally fit in with this topic as well. Do you have to put your single self on the shelf when you're in a couple?
Now yesterday I was talking about doing the party thing, but I'm really more concerned with the fact that it's hard to get a couple to seperate even for one night. I personally enjoy doing things without Adam, but another of my blog fans commented that:
"I think that many people feel that the pressure of work is a huge obligation and responsibility, and I guess when you're in a couple the best way to spend the time when you don't feel that responsibility is with the one you love. It's not about cutting yourself off, it's about making the most of your down time."
She's right. I mean, when we were kids there was a lot of downtime and so we didn't really have to work too hard to make the most of it. But when you work everyday and only get a finite amount of free time, why wouldn't you want to spend it with the person you love? Perhaps what I'm really raging against isn't that couples cut themselves off or that people forget how to go out as individuals rather than pairs (though that's some of it), but that society as it stands doesn't really leave people with a whole lot of free time. I'm not talking about me here, cuz lord knows I've got more free time than I know what to do with (except that I'm on day 3 of home confinement waiting for Loomis to get their heads out of their asses) but the general trend of working and aging. A lot of people I know are in jobs that they don't love, and commit their free time to doing what they love, plus add to that general grown up stuff like groceries, kids etc, then try to come up with relationship time and what happens to single outtings? Dead.
I'm sure we'll all agree, it's necessary to put more effort into having a life outside of work. But after an 8 hour work day, feeding the kids, working at whatever artsy craft you love, who wants to put more energy into free time when you've barely got the energy for non-free time? It's a pickle, that's for sure.
Now back to my perversions. I'd like to get comments about differing levels of sexual drive within couples? How do you deal? I mean, most of the complaints come from the male of the species complaining that women aren't horny enough. But most of the women I know are fast approaching 30 or have already past it, and are in their sexual peak (as many of you know, Adam awaits my 30's in fear for his life) and the male horniness is dwindling after their useless peak at 20. I say useless because not a whole lotta men know what they're doing at 20 and so even though they can get it up a lot, nobody really wants them to.
People don't talk about this enough, and it causes problems in a lot of relationships. The person who wants the sex and can't get it, feels undesirable and frustrated and insecure. The person who doesn't want it feels selfish, abnormal (why does everybody else want it and not me?), and just a wee bit pissed off by all this pressure coming from the horny person. I've been on both sides of this equation. Now, some people (the majority are women I've noted) have actual psychological issues about sex and have to get them resolved before sex can be any fun. But lets take two people who are psychologically sane about sex, they still don't always have the exact same sexual drive. And what about horny girls? Society hasn't prepared us for the fact that we may have to beg for sex, it told us that men would always be begging us. It's tough, because the horny one doesn't really want to force their partner into having sex, but at the same time... well...as you sit alone, frustrated and masturbating in the dark the only thought you're left with is "why doesn't he/she want to have sex with me?" and then the neurosis begins. And the non-horny one sits there going "why don't I want to have sex?" or "why can't that stupid bitch/prick stop pressuring me?" Nobody I know has been able to give me a good solution to this so I lie here in wait (masturbating of course)for the wisdom that is latent in you all.
I hope today brings everyone good luck and many happy orgasms.
scene/couple cuddling/drive me crazy/leave me alone/party animal/hanging out
with girlfriends dilemma."
Today's blog is about couple stuff. The freight fiasco continues and I just got my period so crankiness thy name is Tania.
Above is a very well written comment on yesterday's blog topic of singledom vs coupledom. It's true that most people probably fight with themselves because we all need alone time, party time, snuggle time etc and it's hard to balance all of these impulses. And it's probably a lot easier to balance when you're only dealing with one person and not the duality of coupledom. I mean, there are days when I wish I had a guy who wanted to sit around and watch TV with me and wanted to settle down now that he's found the right girl. But most of the time I'm thankful that I've chosen the challenging kind who still wants to challenge himself and party and try new shit all the time, because that's more or less what I want too... most times... sometimes... whatever. See, listening to yourself gets confusing. And sometimes Adam does want to sit around and watch TV with me (not that I have a TV, but whatev.) The tricky part is that sometimes when one person wants lazy comfort, the other wants wild dancing followed by 2 hours of rockin' sex. We both lead pretty seperate lives, but not too seperate. But that's also a problem with couples, because what is "too seperate"? If you never spend any time together and don't have anything in common, then can you call that a relationship? But most of the couples I know don't have to worry about being too seperate, I think they spend quite enough time with eachother thankyouverymuch.
I got several reactions to the topic and the episode of Sex in the City that I downloaded coincidentally fit in with this topic as well. Do you have to put your single self on the shelf when you're in a couple?
Now yesterday I was talking about doing the party thing, but I'm really more concerned with the fact that it's hard to get a couple to seperate even for one night. I personally enjoy doing things without Adam, but another of my blog fans commented that:
"I think that many people feel that the pressure of work is a huge obligation and responsibility, and I guess when you're in a couple the best way to spend the time when you don't feel that responsibility is with the one you love. It's not about cutting yourself off, it's about making the most of your down time."
She's right. I mean, when we were kids there was a lot of downtime and so we didn't really have to work too hard to make the most of it. But when you work everyday and only get a finite amount of free time, why wouldn't you want to spend it with the person you love? Perhaps what I'm really raging against isn't that couples cut themselves off or that people forget how to go out as individuals rather than pairs (though that's some of it), but that society as it stands doesn't really leave people with a whole lot of free time. I'm not talking about me here, cuz lord knows I've got more free time than I know what to do with (except that I'm on day 3 of home confinement waiting for Loomis to get their heads out of their asses) but the general trend of working and aging. A lot of people I know are in jobs that they don't love, and commit their free time to doing what they love, plus add to that general grown up stuff like groceries, kids etc, then try to come up with relationship time and what happens to single outtings? Dead.
I'm sure we'll all agree, it's necessary to put more effort into having a life outside of work. But after an 8 hour work day, feeding the kids, working at whatever artsy craft you love, who wants to put more energy into free time when you've barely got the energy for non-free time? It's a pickle, that's for sure.
Now back to my perversions. I'd like to get comments about differing levels of sexual drive within couples? How do you deal? I mean, most of the complaints come from the male of the species complaining that women aren't horny enough. But most of the women I know are fast approaching 30 or have already past it, and are in their sexual peak (as many of you know, Adam awaits my 30's in fear for his life) and the male horniness is dwindling after their useless peak at 20. I say useless because not a whole lotta men know what they're doing at 20 and so even though they can get it up a lot, nobody really wants them to.
People don't talk about this enough, and it causes problems in a lot of relationships. The person who wants the sex and can't get it, feels undesirable and frustrated and insecure. The person who doesn't want it feels selfish, abnormal (why does everybody else want it and not me?), and just a wee bit pissed off by all this pressure coming from the horny person. I've been on both sides of this equation. Now, some people (the majority are women I've noted) have actual psychological issues about sex and have to get them resolved before sex can be any fun. But lets take two people who are psychologically sane about sex, they still don't always have the exact same sexual drive. And what about horny girls? Society hasn't prepared us for the fact that we may have to beg for sex, it told us that men would always be begging us. It's tough, because the horny one doesn't really want to force their partner into having sex, but at the same time... well...as you sit alone, frustrated and masturbating in the dark the only thought you're left with is "why doesn't he/she want to have sex with me?" and then the neurosis begins. And the non-horny one sits there going "why don't I want to have sex?" or "why can't that stupid bitch/prick stop pressuring me?" Nobody I know has been able to give me a good solution to this so I lie here in wait (masturbating of course)for the wisdom that is latent in you all.
I hope today brings everyone good luck and many happy orgasms.
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