Roo's status report #2:
I'm going to actual try and be open and honest. Pickle and I had a few problems, but we were also best friends who always respected and cared for eachother, even in bad times. For my part, I know I'll never fully understand why what Pickle and I had wasn't enough for him. But I do know that it wasn't, and so I know that I made the right decision. Life is up and down, but basically I'm okay.
An interesting thing happened the other day. This girl in my dpmt who had started the year out being...well a snobby cow to me ran into me and found out that I had just ended a serious long term relationship. She had ended hers last summer and during the year, I had found out that perhaps she wasn't such a cow, but we still could not be considered "close." However, after she found out that this was my summer to go through hell, she sent me a lovely email about going for a coffee, to which I responded that I would get in touch after Ktown and asked if she had any wisdom for me. Her response was so incredible that I thought I'd share a part of it with you all - even the strangers who read my site in case anyone is going through a serious break-up right now.
"As for wisdom, I don't know if I have much to offer. Simply, you have to
mourn. I really feel that in many ways the stages of recovery from a serious
relationship are very much like experiencing the death of someone close to
you. In fact, I had to do both at the same time and realized that in some
ways the two experiences were very similar in the initial stages. A breakup
is the death of dreams, the death of a life you had imagined for yourself, the
death of the person you were with him; it is all very tragic. HOWEVER, a
breakup is also the birth of new dreams; you begin to aspire to things you
couldn't even have imagined wanting before, because somehow the selflessness necessary to feel happy in a relationship requires that we limit our dreams.
Sometimes I did it subconsciously and sometimes I felt that the dreams paled
in comparison with the fulfillment I derived from being in a loving
relationship. Whatever the reasons, once the relationship ended I discovered
a new sense of self [when I wasn't expending all my energy trying to hold
myself together!]. Not the person I was before I met him, but someone several
years older, more experienced, richer for having lived, loved, shared and
sacrificed with him. Despite the finality, and tragedy, and the feeling of
failure when something I had invested so much time and energy into didn't work out, it was also a time of new beginning, a big adventure called my new life, and there is always the enticing thought that someday I will have all the
excitement of new love again. The same is all true for you as well."
I'm going to actual try and be open and honest. Pickle and I had a few problems, but we were also best friends who always respected and cared for eachother, even in bad times. For my part, I know I'll never fully understand why what Pickle and I had wasn't enough for him. But I do know that it wasn't, and so I know that I made the right decision. Life is up and down, but basically I'm okay.
An interesting thing happened the other day. This girl in my dpmt who had started the year out being...well a snobby cow to me ran into me and found out that I had just ended a serious long term relationship. She had ended hers last summer and during the year, I had found out that perhaps she wasn't such a cow, but we still could not be considered "close." However, after she found out that this was my summer to go through hell, she sent me a lovely email about going for a coffee, to which I responded that I would get in touch after Ktown and asked if she had any wisdom for me. Her response was so incredible that I thought I'd share a part of it with you all - even the strangers who read my site in case anyone is going through a serious break-up right now.
"As for wisdom, I don't know if I have much to offer. Simply, you have to
mourn. I really feel that in many ways the stages of recovery from a serious
relationship are very much like experiencing the death of someone close to
you. In fact, I had to do both at the same time and realized that in some
ways the two experiences were very similar in the initial stages. A breakup
is the death of dreams, the death of a life you had imagined for yourself, the
death of the person you were with him; it is all very tragic. HOWEVER, a
breakup is also the birth of new dreams; you begin to aspire to things you
couldn't even have imagined wanting before, because somehow the selflessness necessary to feel happy in a relationship requires that we limit our dreams.
Sometimes I did it subconsciously and sometimes I felt that the dreams paled
in comparison with the fulfillment I derived from being in a loving
relationship. Whatever the reasons, once the relationship ended I discovered
a new sense of self [when I wasn't expending all my energy trying to hold
myself together!]. Not the person I was before I met him, but someone several
years older, more experienced, richer for having lived, loved, shared and
sacrificed with him. Despite the finality, and tragedy, and the feeling of
failure when something I had invested so much time and energy into didn't work out, it was also a time of new beginning, a big adventure called my new life, and there is always the enticing thought that someday I will have all the
excitement of new love again. The same is all true for you as well."
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