1.16.2005

So I say I'm blogging again and then I don't, however there is good reason. My kitty is recovering from major surgery and I just spent the most harrowing night of my life trying to get her to recover last night. Read the following knowing that this is me at my most exhausted, both emotionally and physically.

Let me say, if there are those of you wondering whether you should put a happy but not quite healthy older pet through any type of medical surgery or expensive and daily treatment, it's not worth it. Katie has a feeding tube in her esophagos right now and is it making her eat? Yes. Is she anywhere near as happy as she was before all this fiasco began? No. It's always a big question - quality vs quantity of life. I got bamboozled into thinking that I could get both for my kitty. Right now, I'm not so sure I did the right thing, maybe she'll get used to eating this way and she'll totally rebound, but for right now she seems pretty pissed and sad.

I'm usually not the type to go in for the major surgeries (I have extremely little trust in doctors and vets), but once you get into the vet they totally panic you into spending as much money as possible as quickly as possible. They make you feel guilty and on top of that, the fact that Katie isn't really "mine" and I feel a certain obligation towards her owner, and the fact that I adore this cat more than life itself...well all this combines to make me susceptible to bullshit. I hate feeling bamboozled and pressured, it makes me feel stupid. I also hate going against my instincts, which rarely lead me astray, because then when my instincts end up being right, I just kick myself all the harder for not listening to myself.

She'll be fine, though she hates me with a fiery, red hot passion she has never known before. But she's unhappy and under the bed and last night I believe I came pretty damn close to losing her. She's stable today, thank god. I'm exhausted and have to feed her through the tube every two hours so basically I won't be blogging for awhile. I would ask that if you have a little time, if you could please send a healing thought Katie's way, it would be much appreciated.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi marie and david here. we can only imagine how crap you must be feeling right now. both of you. is there such a thing as a charity vet near where you live? they usually give more honest advice cause they arent so profit motivated. I´ll write to you later and see how you are doing. all our love marie and david xxxx

8:12 a.m.  

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