and he thinks about last night and one time when her eyes dark in the night seemed so large and looking at him with what seemed to be her whole being pouring through them and it scared him more than a little because loving with closed eyes was like swimming through a warm ocean when all the world was her skin and the small beautiful sounds she made but her eyes right then were like a riptide calling him to the deep.
and then later on the couch, again her face in shadow and the eyes black against the black couch, he felt the undertow and he knew he would not be able to hold on to the shore much longer.
and though he knows his scribblings speak of losing and drowning what they are really describing are the terrifying moments of relearning the ways of swimming in deep waters, places he's been to before, though this will be an ocean like no other......its just that he's been so long in shallow waters that he has to learn how to dive again.
I'm grateful for beautiful words. I've been feeling a little Oprahesque again, with this whole need to list things I'm grateful for. If I were to be totally honest right now I'd be very thankful that I managed to download a new version of soundforge and splice together two very different pieces of music for the upcoming big gothic debut. Thank god for my work with CJSR and sound editing software, though may I say that Macs have far superior programs for this sort of thing, my PC was almost thrown out the window.
But yes, onto "deep" things I'm grateful for. And I guess I don't feel too schmalzy listing these, because really I can either be melodramatic about the depression I went through, or I can find release by thinking about the way the world took/takes care of me. Other than Katie, these are in no specific order.
1. Katie. She affected my life the way few things have.
2. Becca and Kanga for forgiving me for being such a shite friend.
3. The ladies of RAB, especially Jodi, Karen, Stacey, and Denise.
4. Belly dance in general, wouldn't have made it through the last two years w/out it.
5. Nibblet for the almost daily checkings up on me and the banal but beautiful conversation and the always fun flirtation.
6. Pickle for being my hero and never accepting the world the way it is. And for making me soft. And letting me be a wimp.
7. Pema Chodron (who Pickle turned me onto) without the writings of this beautiful woman I'd still be lost in the ether of despondency.
8. Denise for turning me onto the Enneagram, which helped me to figure out my particular triggers that make me be not present in my life and how to holster/safety them.
9. Kim and the Cherubs, well...just for being.
10. The bookstore, and all the amazing people who work in it. Though some days I'd like to set it on fire, it's actually saved me in a lot of ways.
9. And for the last few days, I've been pretty grateful to Ass of Steel. In fact, you'll notice how my list has 3 exes on it, they've been pretty cool people. Ass put up with a lot of shit from me, and still made me dinner and made with the 24/7 oral sex. Plus, he gave me the most amazing gift ever: stories. For quite some time, there was a series he created where I was a superhero - Wee Yin: Tales of the Scottish-Chinese Folk Hero. It's hilarious, and I'm going to have to start dating an artist so they can draw the comicbook. Ass has got it on some sort of website thingie, but I think I have to upload it from my computer and I don't think blogger will let me do it.
Anyway
and then later on the couch, again her face in shadow and the eyes black against the black couch, he felt the undertow and he knew he would not be able to hold on to the shore much longer.
and though he knows his scribblings speak of losing and drowning what they are really describing are the terrifying moments of relearning the ways of swimming in deep waters, places he's been to before, though this will be an ocean like no other......its just that he's been so long in shallow waters that he has to learn how to dive again.
I'm grateful for beautiful words. I've been feeling a little Oprahesque again, with this whole need to list things I'm grateful for. If I were to be totally honest right now I'd be very thankful that I managed to download a new version of soundforge and splice together two very different pieces of music for the upcoming big gothic debut. Thank god for my work with CJSR and sound editing software, though may I say that Macs have far superior programs for this sort of thing, my PC was almost thrown out the window.
But yes, onto "deep" things I'm grateful for. And I guess I don't feel too schmalzy listing these, because really I can either be melodramatic about the depression I went through, or I can find release by thinking about the way the world took/takes care of me. Other than Katie, these are in no specific order.
1. Katie. She affected my life the way few things have.
2. Becca and Kanga for forgiving me for being such a shite friend.
3. The ladies of RAB, especially Jodi, Karen, Stacey, and Denise.
4. Belly dance in general, wouldn't have made it through the last two years w/out it.
5. Nibblet for the almost daily checkings up on me and the banal but beautiful conversation and the always fun flirtation.
6. Pickle for being my hero and never accepting the world the way it is. And for making me soft. And letting me be a wimp.
7. Pema Chodron (who Pickle turned me onto) without the writings of this beautiful woman I'd still be lost in the ether of despondency.
8. Denise for turning me onto the Enneagram, which helped me to figure out my particular triggers that make me be not present in my life and how to holster/safety them.
9. Kim and the Cherubs, well...just for being.
10. The bookstore, and all the amazing people who work in it. Though some days I'd like to set it on fire, it's actually saved me in a lot of ways.
9. And for the last few days, I've been pretty grateful to Ass of Steel. In fact, you'll notice how my list has 3 exes on it, they've been pretty cool people. Ass put up with a lot of shit from me, and still made me dinner and made with the 24/7 oral sex. Plus, he gave me the most amazing gift ever: stories. For quite some time, there was a series he created where I was a superhero - Wee Yin: Tales of the Scottish-Chinese Folk Hero. It's hilarious, and I'm going to have to start dating an artist so they can draw the comicbook. Ass has got it on some sort of website thingie, but I think I have to upload it from my computer and I don't think blogger will let me do it.
Anyway
8 Comments:
yeah, can you believe i was techgirl at work for awhile? that was actually my title. yeesh.
and dammit you already commented, i was just thinking about how cheesyweird all this sounded and how i should delete it and i come back on and i can't because it's been commented on. fuck. :)
i'm gonna have to get Ass to put the Wee Yin's up. Or I guess I could ask his permission to just post the tales as blog entries.
Wee Yin! What a super hero that would be. Kind of like a belly-dancing Chun-Li by the sounds of it.
Things you've made me grateful for this morning while waiting for the home-made bread to get a dark crust and my wife to wake up so I can get started on the porridge:
1) The Scottish dialect, in particular the word "wee";
2) Yersel (transl. "yourself");
3) The word "cheesyweird", which I have every intention of appropriating;
4) Rangers getting the breaks at last: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/
football/europe/6161154.stm ;
5) My wife, natch.
That's enough aimless gratitude for now, I think. Except to say thanks for putting us in that list!
Hesitant to be involved in anything that might be traced back to Oprah, I, nonetheless, am delighted that my sojourn here in the Province of Big Skies and Big Dreams has yielded up new friends (a thing I thought impossible at this point in my life), and in the very unlikely venue of a workplace (also thought improbable based on past work experiences). Especial gratitude being extended to the Wee Yin herself, for introducing the pleasures of blogging, Ethiopian food, embracing ones geekdom, the expression "sweating like a whore in church," and for offering the opportunity to use my voice talents in the eventual Wee Yin Teletoon series and subsequent movie. Grazie, donna piccola graziosa
I'm having a shitty week--feeling lonely and sorry for myself and wondering what the f$*k is the matter with me that I can't make friends in Halifax, and I check out your Blog and promptly burst into tears because I am so grateful for your friendship, even if you are all the away across the frickin country.
Miss you, babe.
aww, i love all you guys too! miss you too Becca!
and is it any wonder from David's comment why I love the cherubs so much? seperately, they are amazing, but together they prove they prove that real Big Love still exists in this world, that love, passion, silliness and sex can grow over time, rather than diminish. and who else wants David for a husband, up early making fresh bread and porridge for his wife after so many years together. and have i been drinking? see this is why the less said about Kim and the Cherubs the better. whenever i talk about them i just get way too cheesyweird. (take that Joyce and Whedon!)
by the way kirtles, you got Pixie all teary with your comment today.
I really might have to do a name change. Maybe aos instead of ass of steel because I go through major cringe when I read phrases like "ass put up with a lot of shit". Otherwise thank you for getting all smarmy and including me in the list. You know if I made a similar list your name would be in lights. You fixed me and I will never forget that.
But just indulge me a wee bit and try to keep ass (as in my name) and shit in separate sentences. Its just wrong.
Thanks Tania
I have been such a cranky little person latley. and you made me remember that I have so much to be thankful for. Mainly my Emmet - who is filled with more spirit then I have ever seen in a human being. And Who has changed my life in more ways then he will ever know. I hope you get to meet him someday
Julie
heh, well okay Godless Romantic, I guess I'll stop calling you Ass, but really sentences like "ass put up with a lot of shit" caused me much joy.
and julie, i have met Emmet and he is amazing, I just need to see him again - soon!
Post a Comment
<< Home