I put Katie down this morning. Of all the miserable things that have happened since last September, this has been the worst. I can only say good things about the people at Edmonton Holistic Veterinary clinic - they have been amazing throughout Katie's entire illness and the whole place was in one big sob session this morning as everyone insisted on being present to see Katie through this. My vet was bawling her eyes out with me. It was incredible.
The past two years have been the worst years of my life. I have not dealt with it well. As with all my good pets and, I was able to show Katie every part of me, something I am not able to do with people. But she had see more dark places in me than my other pets have. She never crowded me, she never ran away, she never judged, she just curled up into all my places, dark and light, and purred. I will be forever grateful to her for that.
I made the right decision, but it was still a decision to stop fighting for her, which will always feel like a betrayal. You see, the thing I learned most from this dear old crabby cat was to fight. No matter what, just keep fighting. She fought so hard and was so brave throughout her illness, and she didn't disappoint in the end. They had her on enough sedative to trank a large dog, and she still snarled and snapped when they tried to administer the lethal part. I think the vets thought this was harder on me, but I laughed and was glad she was a bitch right to the very end.
And so, to steal copy almost directly from my parents' friends at Hotel Hayman as they put down their cat with the same disease:
Right to the end her personality was far larger than her tiny fragile frame.
On Tuesday September 12, 2006, rather than break her trust, I helped her find the door into her everlasting summer.
And she's my friend of all friends
She's still here when everyone's gone
She doesn't have to say a thing
We'll just keep laughing all night long
All night long
If I can just hold on tonight
I know that nothing, nothing survives
Nothing survives.
- I am Displaced by Azure Ray
The past two years have been the worst years of my life. I have not dealt with it well. As with all my good pets and, I was able to show Katie every part of me, something I am not able to do with people. But she had see more dark places in me than my other pets have. She never crowded me, she never ran away, she never judged, she just curled up into all my places, dark and light, and purred. I will be forever grateful to her for that.
I made the right decision, but it was still a decision to stop fighting for her, which will always feel like a betrayal. You see, the thing I learned most from this dear old crabby cat was to fight. No matter what, just keep fighting. She fought so hard and was so brave throughout her illness, and she didn't disappoint in the end. They had her on enough sedative to trank a large dog, and she still snarled and snapped when they tried to administer the lethal part. I think the vets thought this was harder on me, but I laughed and was glad she was a bitch right to the very end.
And so, to steal copy almost directly from my parents' friends at Hotel Hayman as they put down their cat with the same disease:
Right to the end her personality was far larger than her tiny fragile frame.
On Tuesday September 12, 2006, rather than break her trust, I helped her find the door into her everlasting summer.
And she's my friend of all friends
She's still here when everyone's gone
She doesn't have to say a thing
We'll just keep laughing all night long
All night long
If I can just hold on tonight
I know that nothing, nothing survives
Nothing survives.
- I am Displaced by Azure Ray
2 Comments:
Putting Gav down was a horrible thing to do, but the right decision as he was loosing his ability to flay everyone who walked into this house who wasn't me and a girl I dated years ago. She taught you a lot and you'll love her forever. I'm so sorry for your pain.
hi wee yin, sorry to hear your news. Just went over and gave Socks a big cuddle and she looked at me as if I'd just massively slighted her. Thats the curse of us cat people: their seeming outward indifference. But our blessing is that we alone know how much love they hold in their wee hearts, and no one knows that more right now than you. Take care, sending you all my love.
Post a Comment
<< Home